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  • Sometimes it is okay to put myself first in a situation. I stayed in a relationship that wasn’t working for what I wanted in my life, because I
    • felt I owed the other for helping me and being my friend
    • didn’t want to hurt the other person
    • didn’t want to lose the friendship even though I wanted to lose the “relationship” part of it (and really NEEDED to spend some time separating myself and readying for who I want to be)
    • didn’t know how to put myself first
  • It is not a failure to quit something that, after concerted effort, is just not working for you. It is actually more of a failure to give up and accept things rather than cut your losses and be willing to start over again with something that might be right. Never be afraid to say, “this isn’t working” and find a way to make it work, or start again with something that WILL work
  • I am not afraid of being alone. I am more afraid of being pressed into being something that I don’t want because of the impression that I’m not willing to try to move on with my life. Hey, I don’t NEED a man to move on with my life. I am sure that I will move on that way eventually, but its not critcal to my happiness.
  • Sometimes there is not a “win/win” situation. Sometimes I cannot afford to give what another person says or thinks THEY need because it is diametrically opposed to what I need in the situation. I need to take care of myself, not the other, to ensure that I am healthy enough to take care of my children and the other responsibilities in my life.

In the end of the “break up” phase of the relationship I was, indeed, feeling like I was being made to choose between what I knew that I needed for my own psychological well being and what my friend needed to make him feel “okay” with the situation at hand. I needed time alone, without communicating with him via chat, not going out exclusively with him, and not sitting around discussing what we had been, what we could have been, what I meant to him, or what had caused the essential breakdown in the relationship — all things that he seemed to be desperately needing in order to feel like he had a handle on things. And in the end I did what I needed to do (and I am not going to feel guilty for doing so) and I cut back the talks and chats and texts and emails and visits, and I hermitted myself in my own mind and home and just dealt with the fallout in my OWN life. 

• I really need to get out of the house more… both on weeks that I have the kids and weeks that I do not. In that vein I have been making attempts to find classes, groups, events, activities that will bring me closer to the social butterfly that I once was. But, either Saskatoon is a pit of nothingness (can’t find any support groups for divorcees, single parents, newly single people, etc that aren’t solely focused on “dating” and, more insidiously “hooking up” (by which I am taking them to mean the “no strings attached casual “adult” relations…. um… ick) and more just on getting to know other humans of BOTH genders in this city) or I am just not having a good time finding things.
  • previously I had been a member of a group called “knit and knatter”, for people who liked to knit… but there was some fall out with that group (and my friend G) and due to the strain in the relationship between G and B, G left the group, never to hear from the very people who she had previously been so close to up until this point — not even ONCE. I’m not really sure that the fall out had anything at all to do with me, really, but I do worry that my association with G will make me unwelcome at the group… and really, what is to say that they are good friends if they can just cut out someone that used to be a part of the group like that and basically say “good riddence” to a former friend?
  • I have joined a gym… but I haven’t found a time that works when I have the kids (and I had been sick for 2 weeks JUST after I joined). I am committing myself to emailing them again and trying to find another trainer who might be more willing to help me set up a training plan, then going at least 3 times (hopefully 4) next week. Once I get more used to going to the gym I think I will try to fit one time per week that I have the kids in as well.
  • I have been trying to find something that I can do that will get me out and with other adult type people — without the push to get involved in sleezy one-night stands with people who think that that is what “mature adults” do (um… that’s what horny men who don’t really want relationships do, not what mature adults do) — but I’m not sure what or where to find such things.
  • Yes, I am going to try the online dating thing. Why not? I mean, I am single, and no matter how much it will hurt my friend the purple elephant in the corner, I want to experience life as a single adult, which will mean dating. So why not? I would like to go out, have a little fun… But I’m not playing the “hookup” game…
• The weeks I have the kids I will spend more time with them, and less time worrying about the rest of the world. I can try to do yoga or meditation in the evenings with dvds… be creative… and just spend my energy on being the best mother i can be (so the school stops calling me about how F’d up my kid is… as if I don’t know that he has attention issues and has been “scarred” by attending 4 schools in 4 years).
• I will try to write more consistently. At least 2 times a week here… maybe on OD (until the subscription ends again and then I’ll consider what I want to do with it). I will start to do weekly status reports… because, as one of my favourite new blogs (The Fluent Self) states “Traditions are Important”. As I agree with that statement, I want to start creating new traditions, online and in real life.
• I will try to get a podcast out once a month. So far I have failed at that… oh well… c’est la vie.