Frozen Nowhere

A few years ago I made a mistake. Its a mistake I regret, but it is an indication of larger patterns in my life that I have ignored up until this point. 

I see it now.
14 years ago I cut ties with a friend because I was feeling terrible about myself and worried that I was falling in love with him. 
13 years ago I agreed to marry STBX, because I believed that no one else would ever care for me.
8 years ago my friend came back into my life. He was my best friend and a person that meant a lot to me.
4 years ago I “disappeared” from his life, I moved from the house

…

This is the hardest part of the year for me, the season of limbo between Samhain and Yule, when everything that is physical slows down and the mental and spiritual aspects of my life rise like cream to the top of my consciousness. The days are getting noticably shorter — it is dark when my alarm goes off at 6am, it is dark while I drive to work, it is darkening when I start off for home… and I know the world is slumbering and the season of “out and about” adventures is done for another year.

Now is that time, at least for me, when the external excitements of the Summer season turn inward to the down home…