This week I have had the kids, which has meant that I am going out a lot LESS than I was last week. This is the nature of my life, and a situation in which I am very familiar — as this is JUST the same freaking situation that STBX FORCED me to live under when I was married to him, only instead of the KIDS coming and going in my life, it was HIM doing it to us.

But I digress.

I am still feeling a bit stung by the rejection that I recieved from Entropy, but its managable.

I have continued to talk to Reg online every night, and he’s hoping to be able to come over tonight or tomorrow (after the kids are in bed, of course) to watch movies. Or at least that’s what we’re gonna call it. For all I know I’ll end up reading his tarot cards or something.

After all, I have a new Tarot deck.

On Wednesday the kids and I returned home to find a package stuffed into the mail box. I think that our mail carrier must have been having a bad day, because that thing was crammed in there SO hard that it bent the box!! Wow… agressive much? Two weeks ago GirlChild had finally gotten tired of asking me why I hadn’t knit HER any socks (I had knit a pair for her brother, and one set I had knit for her grandmother, but hers were on hold) and took matters into her own small hands — with my cell phone and dialing assistance.

So she called up Serin… and told him that he “had to send the pink and purple wool that mommy says you’re keeping” and threatened not to send him cookies (punctuated by the act of gobbling up the last of the cookies that she had previously decided that she would send to him (although since i have her convinced that Serin either lives inside my computer, or that Toronto is a place in the clouds, I’m not sure how she thought she would get these things to him). You see… I had purchased a skein of wool in Toronto when Serin and I were wandering about the city looking for knitting shops — oh what a thrilling guest I am (laugh). But little did I know that you usually need TWO skeins (and only one BALL) to knit socks. And so I had piteously emplored Serin to hunt down and find another skein for me… which he had…

Then forgotten about. Oh such is life.

But GirlChild had most certainly NOT forgotten the promise of new pink and purple lovely warm hand knitted socks. And every so often, as I finished one project, would ask if I was going to start HER socks now. And I would have to say, “no, I don’t think I have enough wool” and she’d be disappointed.

So now I have the wool in all its hand crafted, Canadian, hand dyed glory.

I guess I better start on those socks soon, eh?

In the package was also 2 sets of double pointed knitting needles, and a tin of hershey’s kisses and a small tin with “Tarot of the Gummy Bear” on it. With the Tarot of the Gummy Bear (and honest to goodness, 78 card Tarot deck!) inside.

So now we owe Serin a package.

I’ll bet it has cookies in it. I’ll bet that the cookies will likely NOT be able to be homemade (laugh)… at least not unless I can suddenly find my cookie book. All I know is that now every time we are in the cookie aisle at a store GirlChild grabs various boxes of cookies and states that we need to buy these for Serin, because he got the wool for us.

Whatever he gets is likely going to be a VERY full package at this rate… as I am currently knitting on a scarf for him to add to the package.

In other mail related news: I did manage to complete the socks, and get them mailed out to my mother (along with t-shirts that I got from my work and a bunch of small things that the kids sent along) for her birthday. Unfortunately GirlChild has been booked to dance at the local “Festival of Trees” event tomorrow, which means that we need to stay in the city and can’t go out to visit my parents. And on Sunday STBX will be picking the kids up a few hours early to attend another event for his employer.

I find it amusing that when I was married to STBX (and note here he ONLY had one employer this past 10 years, so it is the same company) there were NO company/family events to be had. Occassionally he’d tell me about one or another that might happen, and maybe once every 3 years we’d go to something (like the Christmas party) but for the most part he told me that they didn’t really have any social events to go to or meet other people and their families. Now that I have left him, I have seen that they do INDEED have a lot of different family events. He has taken the kids to a huge variety of different “family” and “kids” events for this employer, he’s shown off his different girlfriends in the last 2 years at the Christmas parties — and at the same time I had to BEG to go to anything!!

I have wondered about this for the past 2 years, how he was always hiding me from everyone at his work. Was he REALLY so sure that I was cheating on him that he was mortified to have me around people he worked with? Was that all there was to this? Was it a combination of thinking a was cuckolding him AND his embarassment that I didn’t live up to my earning potential? Or was there more to it? Was there something HE was hiding from ME all this time, something he was afraid would eventually come out from a coworker if I was around these people?

Sometimes these things must be carefully considered. Why else was he so willing to leave me and the kids to be at work when he knew it was eroding our relationship and marriage? Why was he hiding me from all the people he knew at work, making sure that I didn’t interact with anyone who knew him at work? Why did he spend so much time on the phone doing work things when he was at home, and have so many work related meetings? Was there more there than I was looking at?

Anyway, that aside is done for now, because if he was fucking around on me, I don’t really care anymore. It’s bad to say, but I think, the way I felt about him for the last half of our marriage, I think I would have been RELIEVED that he was busy with someone else and not needing to bother ME. Yes, it was THAT great a marriage.

As well… the kids and I picked out a Christmas Tree last night. I let THEM vote on it. We now have a 6′ WHITE tree. I’ll have pictures eventually I’m sure.

So:

Good things:
-Sock was finished
-things got into the mail for Mom’s birthday
-got a foot done on the scarf I am knitting
-have been talking and texting to Reg, whom I am becoming QUITE fond 
-I might get to see Reg tonight (if his daughter isn’t still sick) since he’s coming in to the city for the weekend
-haven’t been bothered by BB all week
-managed to get a ton done at work
-got a Christmas tree
-got wool in the mail so I can start on GirlChild’s handknit socks
-currently reading a good book with the kids
-Christmas party to look forward to

Bad things:
-a lot of work at work, mostly stupid things like having to redo all the PO’s because the supplier changed their price AFTER they quoted for material costs.
-so much housework to do at home
-neighbors and their addiction to Rock Band 
-Christmas is coming up, not being able to take someone with me to the company Christmas event because it is out of town and on a weekday
- might not be able to see Reg is his daughter is still sick
-no time to relax this week
-tree is ugly and white! (laugh)
-stress from the school counsellor regarding BoyChild making me feel like I am a failure as a parent
-soon I have to 
-worrying about the car (tires) and Christmas things and how to get it all done without wanting to scream and tear my hair out.
-need to make a useless Christmas list
-I have to get so many things for myself (warm enough coat and warmer clothes) and I don’t want to have to spend for myself right now.

So there you go…
(1513 words)