Frozen Nowhere

I am feeling better now.
 
I don’t know why I can’t panic silently… I really should just hide in my closet until my freak out is completed and THEN talk to other human beings. 
 
I guess I seek out comfort from other people by being told I am acting crazy. 
 
Sometimes I need that little, “hey, girl you are losing it! Get a grip.” thing from a friend or two.
 
I am over the panic over the future for now. I have decided to accept:

• TheEx is an ass. He has a spending habit and that will likely never change. I could have gotten out earlier, I could have tried to stick it out for longer, but either way his spending

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I thought this was a great way to get to know me better… and I always need to know me better so what the heck, right?
 
50 or so Random facts about me:

1. I am 5’0″ tall, I weigh anywhere between 100 and 116 lbs depending on the week.
2. I have a very hard time gaining weight, but lose weight easily, which tends to concern people
3. I am not a stress eater, when I am stressed I do not eat.
4. I like chocolate, but it can take me up to 6 months to finish one chocolate bar
5. I am seriously afraid of skunks. I admit they are cute, but

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The problem with the weeks I am alone is… well… that i’m ALONE. Completely and totally alone, and I really start to feel it.
 
When the kids leave its like all the life is sucked right out of my place and I just don’t know what to do with myself.
 
This is new for me.
 
I spent more time as a lone parent while I was married than I did as a parenting duo. I never felt that my marriage was a true partnership, and I was alone a LOT during that 10 years even when he was physically present in our home.
 
So I thought that I was used to being alone, immune to loneliness.
 
I

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This weekend I made the leap to go out to RGG’s for the weekend to hang with him and his girls.
 
This is a big step for me, because I have this “issue” with spaces, particularly spaces that are not in any way mine. I could give reasons of why I feel the way I feel, or examples… but I’m not gonna.
 
I’ll just leave it as I tend to not be comfortable in other people’s homes until I spend a certain amount of time there, and even then I am always consciously aware of anything I do there because its not really a space I belong to.
 
Sleeping is almost impossible for me in places that

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Today I am in a really great mood, which is odd because:
1) Its monday
2) There is a better than average chance that I have been exposed to a cold/flu thing that is going around
3) I have a TON of things to do at home
4) TheEx will be coming over RIGHT after I am done work to get things that the kids forgot to take with them
5) I have to deal with more legal BS tomorrow
 
This weekend was really great… and I say that with all honesty despite having a lot of anxiety at being in RGG’s house and feeling out of place and at odds with my place in his life at times. It

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