friday follies
January9
Friday Follies…
Today, being friday, I have been feeling a bit… write-ish. Not that that is a horribly UNCOMMON thing for me, since I seem to be writing at least 2 posts or entries per day lately… but its a statement of the way I feel at this point in time.
Actually, here is ALL that I am feeling right this minute:
- hungry (its lunch hour and I haven’t brought anything to eat)
-
annoyed
- over drama
- trying to determine how to get all the kids’ stuff since STBX has decided that I should pick them up from the daycare instead of him picking them up and dropping them AND all their stuff off at my place after work as we had originally agreed upon. Waiting for STBX to bring things to my worksite (which is 5 mins from OUR house in which HE lives)
- tired because i didn’t get much sleep for the last 2 nights between anxiety attacks (over having to visit my lawyer and the upcoming 4 way meeting with STBX and his lawyer and also over the fact that despite trying very VERY hard to cut Stalker out of my life he continues to show up at least once a week and try to create some drama in my life) and also because I went out to a movie that ended quite late (11:30pm) with C last night.
- anxious because I have a great deal of things I have to do this afternoon, and more now because i have to pick up the kids and figure out what to feed them (I may just take them out for supper tonight because I didn’t expect to have them until later and now I am scrambling to have to revise plans and I have nothing READY for them)
- anxious because I feel I have blown my budget already this month, but I haven’t been able to really SET a budget yet either…
- anxious over the prosepect of the 4 way meeting
- pressed for time, because I don’t have things ready for the kids when they return home this afternoon
- relieved that the preliminary meeting with the lawyer is over
- hopeful that my divorce can be completed within the year
And so I felt the need to write it down.
I have been thinking…
I have been thinking a lot more about how I blog and what I blog and the way I blog things. I have been thinking about the things I include and the things I leave out. I have been thinking about my use of language and my choices that I make everyday. I have been thinking about how I react to things. I have been thinking about how I can change how I react to things. I have been considering what my “buttons” are and how to keep them from getting pushed too much. I have been thinking about things I want to do. I have been thinking of things I want to stop doing. I have been making plans for the future.
I have been thinking of how to promote my blog. I have been trying to be more conscious of reaching out to people.
I have been more mindful of my “rules” for my space. I have been thinking of shared spaces.
I have been wanting more contact with some of the people in my life, and less from others. I have been exploring the way people make me feel differently and how that feels, organically within myself. I have been giving more “cred” to how I feel, and less worry about trying to qualify what I feel…
More things of note:
On the way to work today I saw the most beautiful almost-full orange-yellow moon on the horizon. I wished that I hadn’t been on my way to work, and that I had had my camera with me (which I didn’t) that day so I could have captured the moment. It was almost a harvest moon, but, of course it is the wrong time of the year for that.
I get to see RGG tonight (squee)… I can’t believe how much I have missed seeing him now that the holidays are over. Having a week of time visiting with each other, and the marathon-non-sleeping-children Yule event (laugh) really contributed to how close we have become in the last month. I know that it is early on in the relationship, but this is going really well and I really LIKE this guy! And, yeah, I can’t WAIT to see him later tonight.
I have to figure out what to feed my kids for supper tonight. STBX dropped all their stuff off at my work today (sigh) and that means now I have to pick them up and feed them. That’s usually not such a problem, but I didn’t prepare anything for tonight and thought we’d have pizza since it is Friday. But they had pizza (Pizza Hut) at their father’s last night, and likely for lunch today, and so I think that we might have to find something ELSE to make tonight. I do NOT want to eat out again, though. I might see what they think and allow them to go to McDonald’s and I can have a nice tasty salad for myself.
I have become seriously “squee”-worth-ily happy about 2 new things lately:
One is the sudden realization that I can write a BUNCH of blog entries and then schedule them to be published one at a time, one (or two) per day. That allows me to continue to write at the pace that I write at (2-4 posts per day, SERIOUSLY) and not worry that things are going to be overwhelming to anyone who might read this blog. So instead of 3 huge long posts that are parts of one ranting session, I publish them one piece at a time over the course of time. This allows me to write and schedule things and gives me time to think about what I wrote (or brace for any nastiness).
SECOND is mind mapping. Yes, I have been playing with mind maps for a while now, but I have not been consistently DOING them, and so I have not been thinking about them as much as I was before. I have 2 programs that allow me to mind map on my Mac (FreeMind and Mind Map 3), but I can also hand map and do them in word… Having the sudden need to look at how things are coming together in my mind and life, I am sure I will be doign a lot more of the “connect the thoughts” type things and mind mapping in particular.
And just because I don’t feel like it, I’m not gonna detail life lessons here 
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Aww. I figured you’d have your lessons all mindmapped at the end of this.
And great that you can schedule, but aren’t you going to end up writing all of 2009 by next thursday at the rate you’re going?
I was thinking what S said. Hehehe
You are just a prolific blogger, ma’am!