Frozen Nowhere

As I have been a steadfast follower of The Fluent Self blog for a while now, and as Havi says “Traditions are important”… well… I decided that it would be beneficial to me to resume the habit of reviewing my week in writing.

 

 

The biggest thing that has been wonderful about this past few days (laughs) of this year is that I have been able to spend a great deal of that time with “my man”… and that this time I am really happy and absolutely feeling GREAT about dating this man. I haven’t been talking about him too much (I hope), because there is still some newness to the relationship, but we seem to be SO compatible so far and I am really excited about seeing where this will go!

   

I am happy to report that I have been dating RGG exclusively for 2 months now, and as of yet there have been no “red flags” that I have felt with him. This is seriously more than I can say for the mess with the Stalker, which started off as one gigantic red flag from day one (and continues to try and draw me into drama even after I cut him out of my life)… and the comfort of this relationship has been a serious relief for me. RGG and I have very similar goals, interests, and values… and yes, he does know about my religion, but since I am not EVER one to talk too much about it (even when directly asked) it really doesn’t have that much bearing on our relationship and where things are going.

 

Even the one concern I have (which we have discussed), that he always wanted a son of his own and I can’t have any more children (without having my tubal reversed, and I’m not even sure that its possible at this point… and no, I’m not going to rush out and do that at this stage either). He says that he’s coming to grips with the fact that its not likely that he will ever have a son, and that he is happy with his daughters… and for my part I am trying to get over the desire to have more children because I love my kids as well…  And as long as we’re open about these things I think that we can work to overcome them. And, no one knows the future…

 

 

The biggest thing that has been on my mind lately has been, surprisingly enough, that I recieved a relatively judgmental comment on my blog. Now, I know there are more pressing issues in that list… but the thing is that the comment really hit me hard. And at the same time I know very well that that was the POINT of the comment. The most annoying thing about the comment was that it was so ODD. For one thing the wording of the comment was VERY VERY similar to the terminology that Stalker has been trying to beat me over the head with since I told him off completely and decided to start dating again. Another suspicious part of the comment is that my ex was NAMED in the comment, which would mean that the person who made the comment knew me personally (since I do not really give his name here or on Open Diary, where I write).

But the thing that pointed the nastiness DIRECTLY to Stalker, rather than some random girl (as the comment was “signed”), would be the fact that the 2 previous comments that Stalker had submitted on the blog (which I have subsequently DELETED) had the exact same IP address as this comment. And while that is not 100% conclusive proof that the Stalker (or a friend or family member of his) was the person trying to stir up drama in my life and make me doubt myself as a person, it was definately quite ENOUGH proof for ME.

 

It did have the benefit of solidifying my stance on my “friendship” with the Stalker — in that I now feel completely sure that I was RIGHT in cutting him out of my life completely. And, in that vein, I finally made some moves to cut the remaining ties with him. I blocked him on my FaceBook, I set up an autofilter in all my email accounts that serves to delete ANYTHING coming from his email addresses to me without ever notifying me that he sent anything, and I have added his phone number back to my phone with a “DO NOT ANSW” that will come up if he calls from that number (and I don’t answer blocked numbers) and a ring that will not alert me if he calls. I have had my landlord change my locks, and I keep the house locked even when I am at home… and I am willing to talk to the phone company to get my number changed if he continues to call and/or text me…

 

While he seems to think that there is value to a friendship with him, I am certain that I want to start a new and fresh life without the negativity that surrounds him. He might not know it, he might think he has changed it, but I still feel the spillover every time that he contacts me. And so, I have decided to put my foot down for good and say “NO MORE”. And I hope that finally gives him the closure that he needs in order to move on with his life — to finally dig himself out of the mistaken belief that he loves me, that we’d be good together (if I only accepted how horrible I am), and that he only has my best interests at heart.

 

There was a time that he was good for me… but sadly that time has passed and I have the need to move on now, even if he doesn’t.I hope, wholeheartedly, that he can move on, become happy with the girlfriend that he has right now or move on to someone he feels he can connect with, and that he can let me be from now on.

 

Somehow, I doubt that he will fade quietly into the night, since every time I THINK he’s finally decided to let me be he comes back again — another text, another phone call, another email — and I sincerely want it just to stop.

 

 

Well… really, there is only ONE thing that is really worrying me deeply right now, and that would be the impending doom that is my legal meeting next week. I know that I have to deal with it, that avoidance will make it difficult… but… oh… I am NOT good at direct confrontation. And while I KNOW that I have a right to stand up for myself and my own financial future, that there was an agreement a year and a half ago that these two huge debts would be GONE if I signed the refinance paper, and that it is patently UNFAIR of him to use up all the credit in the debt accounts, not pay child support or contribute towards daycare expenses for 10 months, and THEN come back at me to take on half the debts I had already signed over money to pay off TEN MONTHS BEFORE… well… I know that he will bear down on me and unless my lawyer stands next to me I will quake and fold.

 

But… as usual… I have some “lessons” from this week: