Welcome to my 2009
January11
Seriously bloggable…
So… I have been spending a great deal of time doing the introspective thing lately, even more so than you can see here (laugh). I am a naturally introspective person, and changes in the year and seasons tend to get me all “thinky”, and that natuarally comes out of me at these times.
My comparison of 2008 to 2009!
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I started off 2008 alone, in my parents’ basement, by giving each of my kids a kiss on midnight while they slept. I started 2009 off with RGG and his friends, by giving RGG a huge and passionate kiss and feeling his arms around me.
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2008 started off with my living with my parents and kids. 2009 found me living in a space of my own and having my kids only half time. I think I prefer having the kids in my life more than less… but I still accept that their father might want them in his life as well.
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at the beginning of 2008 I was already starting to feel like I had made a huge mistake getting involved with Stalker after I left STBX. At the beginning of 2009 I am feeling like I have finally straightened out the past mistakes I made with STBX and Stalker and I feel good about what I am building with RGG right now.
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at the beginning of 2008 I had no arrangement for child support and no contact with a lawyer I had had on retainer since June of 2007. At the beginning of 2009 I have become firmly entrenched in the process of getting the parenting plan and division of property worked out and am determined to start pushing for the divorce to be finalized.
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in 2008 the feeling was uncertain and frightened. my feeling for 2009 is hopeful, enthusiastic, and certain that things will work out, even if they aren’t perfect.
So far 2009 has started off way better than 2008, and I am certain that the reasoning for this is that I have changed my outlook about my life AND I have been finally able to decide on a plan of action for a few things that I have been putting off in my life. I have cut out a lot of the negativity in my life, I have changed my thinking patterns, I have been focusing more inward on getting my soul together, I have been working on getting my thoughts in order, I have openned myself up more to the good things in life, and I have been back to writing.
I am feeding my soul more, I am starting to feed my spirit more, and I am working on getting my physical on track as well. I wake up feeling EXCITED for what my life holds for me. I reach out to my friends and family more. I go OUT. I take my kids out. I create! I am feeling great about my life and what is coming to me…
And even when someone tries to dampen that down it is impossible for me to stay down too long… because there is too much in my life that I have to look forward to:
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I will finalize my divorce, I will come to an agreement on parenting and the division of property with STBX and I will be able to change his name to X
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I will survive – I will make it through even if this divorce process forces me to declare bankruptcy
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I know I can make it through
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I know I can be the best mother my kids have, and I know that even when I make a mistake I can always try harder the next day and the next and the next and I will get it right
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money isn’t as important as people
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the spirit always makes us strong, if we allow ourselves to stop doubting the strength we have inside us
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I am loved
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I have plans for an altar
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I have plans for my podcast to restart
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I have creative plans
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I have travel plans
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I have a passport application ready to go
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I will grow and change and experience things FULLY this year…
And so I KNOW that 2009 has a lot of GOOD things in store for me.
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