The night before I was gearing up to deal with the whole legal and financial mess with STBX and our lawyers, our (not so) friendly (blog)neighborhood Stalker Boy was back at his stupid, juvenille tricks aimed directly at getting me worked up enough to respond to him.

 

Now, I have detailed the various things I have tried to get him lay off on me. I agree that I might not have been the most CLEAR in what I wanted from him… and I guess that might have been confusing for him. But at the same time, it really didn’t NEED to come to this.

 

If he had laid off when I asked him for space, back in September, instead of clinging to me in the hopes that we could be friends which might lead me back to him… well then we might not have had to stop contact altogether. But he didn’t. He COULDN’T let go. He couldn’t give me space. He couldn’t let me THINK.

 

 

He took the “give me time” thing and gave me all of 1 week.

 

He took the “we might be able to be friends” and pushed it. He decided what KIND of friends we would be (best friends forever!! ooh **squeee**), and he determined his behaviour on that assessment in his mind.

 

He started emailing me “vents” about how truely annoying, bitchy, and what a horrible person and friend I was. When I emailed him about how, if he really wanted to be friends he needed to stop emailing the freaking things to me — maybe get a live journal, an open diary, hell even write to a fake email address???  — he actually stated that as a good friend he felt that it was not only necessary that I KNOW what he really felt about me and every thing I said and did, that it didn’t “work” for him if he didn’t confront me “directly”, but that as a responsible friend he had to let me know all the ways I had failed to live up to what he thought I should be.

 

And I didn’t really appreciate the nastiness that he was spewing into my email box. And I created a filter there to make sure that if he emailed me it was marked “read” and put into a separate area so I didn’t have to read these things.

 

And I blocked him off of every one of my IM accounts (both Gtalk, Yahoo, MSN, AIM, iChat, ICQ) as well…

 

I took him off my friend’s list in FaceBook as well, since the way he was acting I didn’t consider him a friend.

 

 

I had been “free” of him for almost 2 weeks… sure, I was still getting emails from him in my in box, but I was not responding to them. They varied, at this time in the way that most abusive/stalker communication would:

 

 

But it had the effect he wanted, because when it got to the attacking or shit piling emails, he got a reaction. And so he learned, through that process of  nice-whiney-sad-attacking-shit piling- apology that the harder he attacked the more likely he was to get me to respond to him. So, the attacks started coming closer and closer together (hmm… CYCLE OF ABUSE???) and the more I got these “attacking” comments and discussions and texts and emails and phone calls, the LESS I wanted him in my life, the less I could see standing to have a friendship with him.

 

When he was not whining, when he was not talking about wanting to die, when he was not attacking me or telling me what I needed to do I could see my friend under all that.

 

But my friend was being CONSUMED by the desperation and NEED to “vent” or “have his say” or “say his peace” with me.

 

And the attacks got more frequent, and often were INCLUDED in the same emails that started OUT nice and ended with “But I still love you anyway” type comments, synthesizing the cycle of abuse in each wanderingly pathetic email missive he sent to me.

 

And after a while I finally SAW the cycle myself… and I pulled further and further away from him.

 

 

But you know what? The fact that his behaviour became more attacking and less FRIENDLY through this process made me see him in a completely different light. He went from being just a guy whom I had dated and was having a hard time changing gears and becoming “just a friend” in the sense that he still seemed to want more than friends even though I obviously didn’t, to a guy who felt that I needed to be TOLD, in no uncertain terms, things that HE thought I needed to hear no matter how bad they were… and there wasn’t anything that was going to make him see that he had crossed that line.

 

The attacks were mixed in with the friend stuff to the point that we’d start off a night with him being nice and friend-like, and end with him laying on my bedroom floor lecturing me on all the things he saw wrong with my life and my current life path and our relationship and how things went with us … and… and… and…

 

Until I he had me sobbing and screaming in emotional pain and unable to breathe.

 

And that happened MORE than once while I let him have his “Say” on things… hoping against hope that it would end all the nasty negativity that he was spewing…

 

 

And I openned my eyes the LAST time I allowed him to stay on my floor simply because I didn’t want to be a bitch and tell him to get out (because, I had STARTED OFF when he showed up at my house by telling him to leave and he actually refused!! And instead of calling the police, like I should have at that point, I talked to him and hoped, again, that with THIS retelling of his story and his side of things he would get it out of his system and leave me alone) where he detailed to me

 

And this was all followed by a nice little shit nugget encrusted email…

 

 

And I did what I should have done a long time before that. I FORGAVE myself for getting involved with him, for using him to get out of a marriage that was killing me, for looking at him like he was going to rescue me, for leading him on (by, in his words, “misrepresenting” what I was and what I liked to him when I first met him). And I saw that I had given him many MANY chances to say what he wanted to say, to get over it and become a friend… and he failed to do so… and it was no longer my fault.

 

And I changed the filter on my email account filter to DELETE anything he sent to me from his email account. I no longer even SAW things that he sent, he was free to write all the nastiness he wanted, to apologize for the meanness, to go around and around in his crazy circles, shitting on me and doing everything he could to get a reaction from me… and I simply would NEVER EVER see it to respond.

 

And I took him off my friends list on FaceBook. And when he noticed he was gone and started using the FaceBook inbox to contact me, I BLOCKED him on FaceBook.

 

And I took his number off my phone. And when he realized I was no longer calling him, he started calling ME, trying to get his say in over and over. And when I made it clear to him that I didn’t miss him, I didn’t want to talk to him, and I had NO intention of calling him ever again…. 

 

He wrote a comment on my BLOG which he knew was “over the top” and which he admitted was to get me to react to him and confront him.

 

Which lead me to state, on FaceBook, that I didn’t APPRECIATE the “Stalker” behaviour that I was getting from an EXBOYFRIEND. Which someone he knew obviously saw was HIM….

 

Which led to him sending me a series of TEXT MESSAGES on my phone, asking and then DEMANDING for me to call him and discuss this, and ended with him stating…

 

“I have been whiney and annoying you have slandered and been rude. time to forward things to [STBX]? Play at your level?” 10:28pm Mon Jan 12 2009 from [DO NOT ANSWR]

 

(that was the LAST of the messages in the series, which I didn’t get to until midnight because I was up WORRYING ABOUT MY STUPID LEGAL CASE THE NEXT MORNING!!!!)