And here we are again, for a weekly check in full of updatey goodness (an idea I have totally yoinked from The Fluent Self Blog… go, check it out, its GREAT and not at all fluffy-bunny-white-light-goofy-guru stuff!!):

Things that made me go EEK, GRR, WAH or just have a complete meltdown:

Nasty missives from the Stalker

Oh, I know that I have already talked about it, and I know that by even acknowledging his whining or threats I am encouraging him, but (DAMMIT) this is my space and I hate the idea that I have to be scared to write about my life because someone else doesn’t like the type of attention they are or are not getting from me. And as he has stated in email (now that I am documenting things, rather than deleting all the emails, in case I need it)… I can write what I want here… and I AM going to.

I will NOT let someone use scare tactics against me like he has been — I see through what he’s been doing now, and I am not allowing him to decide what I feel anymore:

• I am not slandering him, I have backup proof, in the form of emails and text messages and comments on FaceBook and in my Blog Logs, of the things he has been sending to me (and the requests for him to stop)… so there is no question in my mind (or that of my lawyer) that what I am saying is 100% NOT SLANDER (again, definition of slander can be found here for those confused) as it is not a false accusation (whether or not it causes people to see him differently).
• I now have a legal agreement in place with STBX, and my divorce papers are finally in the works, so whatever it is that the Stalker thinks that he’s likely to gain from threatening me is NO LONGER POSSIBLE
• for that matter, I have told STBX that I have been having issues with this person, so that he wouldn’t likely respond to him at all ANYWAY

Changing my phone number

See above for why, but this has been a mess of trying to figure out who NEEDS my number and who DOES NOT in order to minimize the chances that Stalker will have a way to contact me. As I only have a cell unless he gets my number from someone else it is unlikely that he can just hunt it down on his own.

But there are so many gaps in who has it right now… I still have to contact my bank and my son’s school to update them.

4-Way Meeting with STBX

While this turned out to be a good thing, as it managed to tie up all the loose ends successfully it was HUGELY stressful and I know I had to bend over backwards and accept less than I could have, should I have pushed for a court trial, and less security in this bad economic environment. The good thing is that for the most part things are over and I will be divorced, the bad thing is that the house still needs to sell or my financial future will be destroyed for a minimum of SEVEN years.

Car issues, House Issues

My car hit 100,000KM, which means that its power train warrenty is no longer valid. And, of course, I have been putting off dealing with a strange noise because I didn’t have the extra money that going to the dealership costs (especially around Christmas) … which I should have dealt with BEFORE it hit 100K. So now I am looking at having to take my car in and up to $1000 worth of work on the power train… according to a mechanic that just looked at it. Which is a HUGE chunk of money for me.

As well, my kitchen sink has been having issues all week, and I don’t really want to deal with it. At first I thought maybe something went down the drain and clogged it up… so we dashed off and got some liquid plumbr… but I have since discovered that water (and laundry detergent) is backing up into my kitchen sinks when someone is doing LAUNDRY… which makes me think that this is more serious than just cleaning out the u-trap thingy. Which means emailing my landlord and trying to find a time to get a plumber man IN there and dealing with my landlord being annoyed that things are going wrong in the house while he’s in Costa Rica (and hearing him complain about being there and not earning any money yet and how all this stuff costs them so much… well… it would cost the same if you were in Canada too, its a reality dear!)

But, seriously, I just don’t want to have a bunch of new expenses hanging over me and the anxiety that comes from the economic uncertainty right now.

Economic Uncertainty

Well… just not knowing what is going to happen with the house sale is really REALLY grinding on me. I would like to say that the house will definately sell (I THINK it will) but house sales have slowed considerably. At this point I just hope for MOST of the debt to be paid down… and not having to declare bankruptcy. I have given up my dream of owning my own home for the next few years… and I have given up the idea that I will be able to take the kids to Disney World this year…

Other sucky things

Well… I was kinda hoping to get in on the Kitchen Table with Havi thing that is going on over at the Fluent Self but it looks like it was not meant to be. I guess I’m just not cool enough for the internet (lol)… and that’s okay but disappointing all the same, because I could seriously use assistance at this time in my life.

I tried to register for this, I mean, I really TRIED… but I got as far as putting my name and email address in and then I got an error and a message stating I would get more information sent to my email address. So I waited, thinking that maybe they would tell me how MUCH this costs, so I could see what I needed to give up that I don’t NEED in order to afford this…

But I never got any further information.

So I left a comment on the blog about how it wasn’t working.
And I got an email back saying that they couldn’t find my payment, which I replied to stating that I hadn’t gotten that far in the process and that it wasn’t allowing me to go further ahead with my name and email address in order for me to find out if I could afford it or not… I guess I was worried about wasting their time if I couldn’t afford it, and inquired about the cost.

I didn’t hear back.

It’s just not meant to be.

Good things, or things that have made me laugh, skip, sing, dance and otherwise act like a babbling fool…

Having the kids home

After being with STBX for their 2 weeks my kids are back home again, and we’ve been hanging out and doing mom and kid things all week.

And I get them home for the weekend AND the entirity of NEXT WEEK too!!!

Having an agreement with STBX

Despite the stress that led up to the meeting and the fact that I had to walk away with a LOT less than I would have had to even a YEAR ago at this time, it feels GOOD to just have an idea of what will happen. And it will be GOOD to be DONE…

Things are tied up for now, and the divorce will be done at the same time in order to minimize the cost of it.
And I can go on with my life…

I can reclaim my maiden name again, and I can remarry if I want (laugh) someday… because, who KNOWS. All I know is that I am not tied to his mistakes any more and he’s not tied to mine…

And I am torn between getting a tattoo and getting an iPod (laugh)

RGG

Things with RGG are good… hell, they’re MORE than good right now. We’ve slowed down on the text messages (laugh) and the modes of communication are openning up more, and we’re doing really well with a lot of things.
Our kids seem to get along (as well as any 4 kids CAN get along) and we seem to have similar parenting styles
the sex is GOOD… really REALLY good. We have matched sex drives. We have GREAT sexual chemistry. And he has done things for me that no one else has been able to do for me…we communicate well (so far)

We got the kids all together last weekend in order to see how they would react to each other, and they did well. We even had a meal (spaghetti) and a movie (the Simpsons’ movie) before RGG and his girls had to leave. The fact that they didn’t want to leave and my kids didn’t want them to go, I think, is proof that they are good with each other. They also know that we are dating, not just friends, and they all seem to be accepting of that.

We’re going to try a repeat performance THIS weekend, and perhaps a sleep over as well… RGG is going to make pizza and we have more popcorn and movies… the only thing we don’t have right now is extra air mattresses for the kids to sleep on… or a pump to inflate (or keep them inflated) them… And we’re gonna try sledding with the weather warming up.

And that means I get to make WAFFLES for everyone…

Which makes me happy because I LIKE waffles and i have a new waffle iron!!

Harrassment freedom

I have set things up to minimize the impact that Stalker can directly have on my life. Do I expect that he will quietly give up and live his life out with his new girlfriend (since he is over me now?)… not a chance. But I can minimize what he can do and how he can reach out to me, and I will continue to shut him down and ignore his cries for attention

Why?
Because, quite simply, he’s behaved BADLY with the nasty comment he attempted to aim at my blog, the fact he tried to pretend that comment came from someone ELSE, the little fib about getting text messages about me, the threats to forward things to STBX, and the fact that even after I told him I didn’t want to hear from him again (MONDAY on the PHONE) he has emailed and texted me since. And these BAD behaviours are not acceptable… Yes, I have been rude to him, but I have been HONEST with him that I don’t want his friendship and I have NOT played these adolescent GAMES…

And I’m serious now.

And I am HAPPY. And I intend to STAY happy. And that means staying FREE of his sticky, icky, NEGATIVE influence…

And I am SO looking forward to this weekend and the REST OF MY LIFE…