Jan 22
Wow…
I think I might have actually run out of things to say.
Which I know Serin won’t believe, becuase I have been writing so much lately (but if no one comments I won’t have anything to respond to…come ON people… if you are out there, please comment… even your name… anyone??? ) that he can barely keep up with me. But its almost true.
I have 2 other blogs and an Open Diary that I barely write in… I wonder what it is inside of me that I have this obsessive NEED to make sure I have a variety of places to write in all the time?
I have a Moleskine daily agenda, a company purse sized calendar, a quadruled/grid softcovered pocket moleskine, and a regular sized quadruled/grid molskine cahier in my purse right now.
I also have a daytimer on my desk.
What do I use them for?
- the Moleskine daily agenda I use to note things such as
- what I am making for supper that night (meal plan)
- how much I spent for gas for my car
- how many blog entries I made
- how many text messages I recieved
- what bills I paid (I should start noting the online payment tracking numbers as well…)
- any emotional triggers I need to remember to blog or journal about
- if I talked on my phone and how long
- any appointments I have
- weekend to do list
- kids’ schedules
- the cahier is used for keeping lists
- weekly to do lists
- additions
- carry over from previous weeks
- checked off items
- notes for potential podcasts (should I ever get the courage to do one again)
- wish list
- phone numbers I need to remember
- household items that I need
- songs I want to download or look for
- weekly to do lists
- the pocket sized moleskine is used for a journal. I don’t write in it every day, but I carry it with me and if I have a really pressing thought during the day at work I note it down or write about it. I also detail tarot readings in this book
- the pocket calendar is a quick reference for my parenting schedule with STBX
- my desk daytimer is used to detail the things that I do at work
- any supplies I need to order for the office (when we have enough of them)
- contract numbers i need to look into
- issues
- who is staying at what hotel and what job it is being billed to
- my manager’s vacation schedule
- mail outs and to which departments
- I use different pens (colours, shades) to denote different things in different books
- orange is usually money related (payment to someone, payment from someone)
- green is meal plan or something to do with friends or family
- pink is my tracking statistics
- blue is for lists
- red is for marking completed or cancelled on lists
- black is for appointments, details or notes of concern
My goal is to try to write more often, as part of a meditative practice… but I haven’t been doing so well with this (laugh). I seem to have no time… and I know that it shows with my kids (and no wonder my son’s teacher thinks I am a fucking retard, by the time I get off work (5pm) and get them from the babysitter (5:30pm) and feed them supper (6-6:30pm) and bathe them (7pm) there is very little time to go over homework with both of them… I generally try to cram about 30 minutes in with my son every evening — unless we have to go to the store to get something and run out of time — but sometimes we just get frazzled and run out of time.
And they aren’t telling me how this kid is DOING on tests, which is driving me completely insane. We studied for his science test on tuesday, went over all the pieces of the microscope, and he says they didn’t tell him what he got on the test! Same with the spelling test. His teachers have decided that I am a worse parent than their father because I have less time and his spelling scores are lower the weeks he’s with me…
But their father is unemployed right now. He doesn’t have to rush to get them to the babysitter by 7:45am, he therefore has time in the morning before he takes them to school to go over things. He doesn’t have to work until 5pm, so he can pick them up after school or around 4pm, and usually he doesn’t cook meals for them (preferring to go to his mother’s house most of the time for supper and to leave the kids there for the night so he can go out with his girlfriend) so he has time then to go over homework with them…
My schedule just makes me frantic… and so I try to control it by making lists and trying to accomplish everything that I can every night. I have meal plans, I have grocery lists, I track all the time I spend doing laundry or dishes and all the various things I need to clean up, sweep, wash, scrub and tidy…
My life is out of control… and I feel frantic because of this…
On top of all these things, I feel pressured to clean my house from top to bottom, to declutter and simplify. I hate living the way I do
- I have no mattresses for my children’s beds, they sleep on air matresses and have since July
- the bedrooms don’t have blinds
- I need a dresser because my clothes are all over my floor because I have nowhere else to put them
- I need more book shelves because I have so many books and nowhere to put them all
- I need to go through all the rooms and throw out things I no longer need, especially in the bathroom closet!
I need CONTROL of my life…
And with all of THIS pressing on me, I still have various people pressuring me to
- be creative
- return to my spirituality
- become more social
- take up new hobbies
Right now I just feel completely overwhelmed… there is so much for me to do, and so little time in my day with all my obligations…
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