Insanely Good mood…
January26
Today I am in a really great mood, which is odd because:
1) Its monday
2) There is a better than average chance that I have been exposed to a cold/flu thing that is going around
3) I have a TON of things to do at home
4) TheEx will be coming over RIGHT after I am done work to get things that the kids forgot to take with them
5) I have to deal with more legal BS tomorrow
This weekend was really great… and I say that with all honesty despite having a lot of anxiety at being in RGG’s house and feeling out of place and at odds with my place in his life at times. It was good and I think it was good for us… although the jury seems to be out on that (laugh).
Poor RGG didn’t get much sleep this weekend, and as a result he succumbed to illness late Saturday night. I feel badly that I couldn’t sleep (well, not for ALL the fact that I couldn’t sleep… I mean, the lovin’ was GOOD and I am more than willing to give up sleep for good lovin’) and that kept him up. And I feel a bit guilty that he got sick because I couldn’t sleep (although I am more than aware that he was likely exposed to this illness prior to my coming over and may very well have fallen ill anyway).
You know what?
I’m not at all worried that I will get sick. And this is unusual for me, because I tend to be worried about these things normally. The only worry I have is that I would get sick later in the week and not be able to go out and visit RGG on the weekend.
I don’t worry that I will get sick, because there isn’t any point in worrying and I knew very well when I was with him Saturday night and Sunday morning… and when I begged him to kiss me Sunday morning while we cuddled together on his bed. I liked it… and I asked for it (literally)
What is going to happen will… and I will deal with it as it comes.
And I wouldn’t have changed anything about the weekend, even if I do get sick!! Even had I known what he had, I would have still wanted to spend my weekend with him and I wouldn’t have done anything differently.
No use worrying now.
The weekend was GREAT though, despite my lack of sleep (and my inability to sleep well at his house yet) for the most part I felt comfortable in his house, at least a lot more comfortable than I had the previous 2 times I was out to visit. And given that this is the FIRST time I tried sleeping over I think it went okay.
I went out there on Friday night, right after scrapbooking was done, and arrived at his house around 11pm. We watched a movie and cuddled and attempted to sleep (laugh)… well I got all weepy over the movie and felt horribly embaraced (laugh)… and I think the fact that I had sort of thrown myself into this situation (rushing out there, drinking coffee and tea late at night and on an empty stomach) made it a little harder for me to sleep…
But I didn’t feel so ill at ease during the day when I was hanging out with RGG and his girls. I loved helping him out with things like dishes and cooking and home improvement projects that we did. I like the girls a lot, and so being around them was like being around my kids (laugh). I did have a bit of difficulty asking when I needed things, but I managed to do that and I let him know when I was feeling anxious… and it really helped that he didn’t get annoyed with it.
All I know is that the only way for me to get more comfortable is to spend more time out there, and I know that eventually I will not feel odd there at night, I know that I won’t be suprised when I wake up not only in a different bed but with RGG (laugh)… and I won’t worry that his girls will be upset if I am there in the morning even though I wasn’t when they went to bed.
So… I have made plans with RGG to go out there again this coming weekend and spend Friday night, Saturday, Sunday and leave MONDAY morning for work… 
woohoo! It means going out to see my sweetie and his kids, spending time with people I care about, creating a sense of belonging somewhere, and watching the superbowl (laugh)…
woohoo! It means going out to see my sweetie and his kids, spending time with people I care about, creating a sense of belonging somewhere, and watching the superbowl (laugh)…Now the only complications to the plan are getting someone to come over and feed the kitties while I’m gone and if I get sick before then… and well… there is a chance that biology will also be a bit of a pain this week as well… 
But I know I can get better at it in time…
I am really looking forward to seeing him again on the weekend… even though I don’t have a clue about football.
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Aww, football is easy. Wait till somebody scores and when he cheers, yell “Go team.”