Feb 10
It seems that everyone around the internet and the universe at large are gearing up for Valentines day.
Can I just say “gah!”?
Its not that I don’t like the romance and stuff, but I don’t see a point to putting so much pressure on one day. There is so much pressure on people to do “something special” on that day, that it kind of ruins the mood, I think. That is NOT romance, people!
Don’t get me wrong here, I LIKE the sweet gooshy smooshy things as much as most girls. But I am not the kind of person who plans out a super romantic date night or waits with baited breath (and the air of desperation) for something super romantic to happen.
And I think it destroys the whole IDEA of romance.
To me romance is spontaneous, it isn’t planned out for one or two special days over a year. The pressure to meet this expectation of Valentine’s day makes it more likely that people will end up disappointed rather than more in love…
I have a confession to make: I have not been single for a valentines day for over 20 years. Whether I was in a serious, committed relationship (long term dating, engaged, married) or a new relationship, I have had very FEW (and less that I can remember) valentine’s days where I have been “single”.
And even having said THAT, I can count on the fingers of one hand (and still have fingers left over) the number of times that I have done anything “special” for Valentines day.
Hell, I lived with theEx for 3 years before we were married, and was married for 10 years, and in all that time I think we went out for supper on valentines day TWICE… and BOTH times we did ‘something’ it was with our CHILDREN! We never so much as exchanged romantically sentimented CARDS… it just wasn’t something that seemed like a real “holiday”.
Last year, despite Valentines day being both a weekend night AND Stalker’s birthday (and sorta still being entangled with him) I took off to Toronto that day to hang out with my friends Serin and MyssK instead.
In prior relationships Valentines was not a big deal at all.
And even saying this it might look like I was a bit, well… BITTER.
But I’m not.
I have to say I don’t GET the whole valentines day thing. If you love someone you don’t need a special day or a special event to let them know that.
I was never disappointed not to have this day marked as somehow more special or romantic or more emotionally loaded than any other day. While I was often disappointed because my birthday or mother’s day were ignored by my significant other, valentines rarely, if ever, registered as a day of personal significance.
I don’t want to seem like a scrooge, and I don’t want it to come off sounding like I think that I’m protesting too much.
It’s like this:
- I like valentines. I think they are cute. I appreciate hand written sentiments. I love getting the valentines for the kids and helping them scrawl out the names of all their friends on them. I am seriously a sucker for written notes and love letters… I haven’t gotten many in my life, but those that I have recieved I have cherished.
- Flowers are nice and I appreciate them, but I don’t need them, and I appreciate them ANY day they aren’t a requirement. Besides, its like a water filled bowl of salad to my cats (laugh)
- I would much rather have a family type event than a high pressured romance-fest. I have kids, I love them too…
- I don’t tend to date “romantic” men to begin with. I think that likely works out because while I am sentimental, I don’t attach a lot of meaning to things like valentines (I prefer simple things of personal significance)
- the most personally significant “valentine” gift I have ever recieved is likely just a card with true to the heart sentiments.
- I am more than happy having a meal with the kids, watching a movie before they go to bed, and then running a very hot bath full of jasmine for myself. I am happy watching a movie at home and cuddling on the couch too… Its the simple things, the feeling of truely BELONGING to someone that I want, not gifts.
- I LOVE to give gifts, but I feel weird getting them. This goes for every gift-given ocassion.
- I don’t expect huge gestures of love… if someone LOVES me I know they love me… and I like simple things more than huge symbols. A picture, a card, an email, a cuddle session, a kiss, time to have a real conversation, a massage… laying in bed talking and being held… these are the things I want
- I think that things like getting engaged and getting married lose something when you feel the need to do them just because it is a “special” day…
So… yeah… maybe I’m a Valentines Scrooge…
For all that, I’m working on simple plans for RGG, his girls, my kids, and myself for the Valentines day weekend. GirlChild and BoyChild have already stated that they want to have RGG and the girls over for that night (not sure if it would be the whole weekend or just the night of the 14th… by then I will SO miss RGG, since I’m pretty much bracing myself not to be able to talk to him for almost the entire week once the kids get back)… Likely will watch a movie (maybe take the kids out to a movie?) and have pizza or something, then hang out together after the kids get to bed (or at least are put into ROOMS)… then I get to make breakfast the next day for everyone!
Can I just state again that I LOVE making the weekend “big breakfast” thing? Its nice to have people to FEED!
This is simple, its pure, its what it is like to “belong together” with all the complications of having kids and exes and pets and family obligations in the midst of being in love. Its what family is all about, and after all, isn’t love part of family and family essential to love?
I’m a valentines scrooge too! It’s just extortionate, and anybody who would demand a formula date would be too boring for my tastes.
I’ll mark the day, and I’m happy to make an occasion of it at home. But the same roses cost a third as much the next day. Same with a lot of the restaurant options.
Why pay more to fight crowds and get mediocre precooked food?