This, in and of itself, causes me to feel a great deal of “disconnection”, spiritually. Not necessarily because I do not consider the label valid, but more because the label underlines different issues at work within the Pagan community and my place within said community.

 

For those of you who might be followers of various Pagan based blogs and podcasts, there was a bit of furor around the recent announcement by “famous” podcasters Deo and Mandy of Deo’s Shadows that they were leaving the Pagan community and have become Atheists. This one event, more than any other I have seen previously, had the effect of getting Pagans talking about the community and what is community and what makes one a part/member of a community and why people would LEAVE a spiritual community.

 

I can say that I am not immune to these issues, because as Deo and Mandy went through their spiritual journey, I have been going through my own personal journey. 

 

 

Not only because I do not always have the words to convey what I am feeling about this, but also because it has taken me a long time to really figure out WHY I have been feeling not only disconnected from the Pagan community at large, but also what I FEEL about these developments.

  

 

This has had repercussions in my spiritual life…

 

How?

 

All of these things that I have done to please the people in my life (and in the Pagan community) have caused me to feel a sense of existential disconnect from my spiritual life, which has the bonus of making me feel less valid when I try to start establishing a spiritual practice, and further has the benefit of making me feel completely miserable because I can’t seem to establish the spiritual practice that I am so desperately seeking.

 

See?

Sometimes the only person you have to please is yourself.

 

This is a lesson that I have been struggling to learn.

 

• If it feels right to you, if it doesn’t hurt anyone (including you), you have permission to try things out. The worst that can happen is that you realize that you were wrong, and you learn something else about yourself.
• Labels are symbols for things and they have fluid meanings. Just because the meaning someone else attaches to a word or term contradicts the meaning YOU hold for it does not mean that your meaning is somehow or other flawed or wrong. The joy of language is that meaning can be conveyed in various different ways and with different words.
•  I have every right in the universe to express my spirituality. This might tick off theEx (because the kids will eventually realize that I have a different view of things than his family and their super-ultra-Christian grandfather) but since I am no longer “his” wife (at least in my own mind, the government has a few more weeks before they get on board with my view of reality) his views of what is right no longer matter.
• If I want an altar in my home I have ever right to set one up, and I have every right to have it where I want it and have it respected by other people.  After all, anyone who enters my home, at this point, are guests. Guests have to respect the rules of their hosts… if they do not feel comfortable with a Pagan altar where they are, unfortunately they have the choice not to come into my home. I have never had a problem before with people (other than the in-laws) respecting that I have the right to put up whatever I want in my own home.
• A spiritual practice is a personal thing. It does not need to be trotted out for anyone else to see or to be “proven” to anyone else.
• Spirituality and connection is fluid (at least for me) and changes as it is required to in order to fully meet my needs in any situation. For me spirituality does not need to be the same every time in every situation. Its okay if that is something someone else needs, but I accept that I need things to adapt to the feelings and situation at the time I practice.