Feb 22
Okay… so I didn’t manage to write all that much last week, which was likely good because by the friday before I went on “vacation” I started to have shooting pains in my right wrist whenever I typed.
And you know, when typing and writing are so vitally important to you, that kinda sucks. So for the most part I did not do any writing this week.
Instead I spent MOST of the week with RGG and all the kids.
And you know? I’m STILL not sure with him.
I mean, I love him, and I am attracted to him and I feel really good about things with him. For the most part I haven’t tried to do a lot of communicating with him lately, just letting things go as they go, and I think that the biggest issue is that I am overthinking things with “us”…
So my goal for the next while (at least the next month as I go through the upheaval of my house selling and finalizing the divorce and attempting to figure out my taxes and stuff) I am determined to just let things happen as they happen and not push anything. Which means:
- I am not going to be phoning him during the weeks. Now, I know that that means that I will likely not have any contact at all with him (he is saying his internet is down and his phone line is down) unless he calls me…
- I will reply to texts, but I will not initiate them.
I went into this dating thing with no expectations, no real belief that I would meet someone special, and now I am a bit shocked at having met someone. The thing is, I know very well that we’re just in the infatuation stage now, and that things will not continue to be “good” all the time or for very much longer. I already have some signs that he might not be as interested in me as I am in him, and I do NOT want my heart broken this easily. But I am also not ready, or able, to get more serious with him than we have become.
This is likely for the best.
So, I’m going to back off a bit and focus on the things that I need to get done in my life, and if he’s willing to continue to be there for me and with me when things are all worked out, I am sure we will have a future.
In other news:
- The Stalker decided to start up again. Someone gave him my phone number (and that means there is someone out there who I can’t really trust, because I only gave my number out to CLOSE friends and my landlord and family members!!). Last Sunday, while I was waiting for RGG and his daughter, C, to come over after supper, Stalker came by my apartment with a box of stuff (none of which I needed OR wanted from him) which he dropped off on my back doorstep. THEN he texted me. And he phoned a few times. I haven’t replied to the text. I am not answering the phone when he calls. I don’t want any communication with him. I don’t want a friendship with him. I just want him to leave me alone.
- The Ex says he saw the Stalker drive through my back alley when he came to pick up the kids. I hope that the Stalker doesn’t think that he should confront me about my choices in my love life. I have made a police report to the effect that I have asked this person not to contact me and he has still been by my home.
- I was worried all week that the Stalker was watching me. For the most part it has made me feel nervous. Now I am feeling more PISSED OFF and if he tries I will be giving him a piece of my mind.
- The house sale has gone through. All we are waiting on is TheEx to move out. Then we assess the damages and what gets paid out and how much is left to deal with. I have decided on a plan of action with this stuff… and a back up plan too…
- I will be getting the remainder of the furniture from theEx. I am going to see if he will give me back my Starbucks cup collection as well. Can’t hurt to ask. It will feel GOOD to have more than 1 love seat to sit on in my house. AND it will be good to have the kids sleeping on real beds rather than air matresses as well. I have a few more things I need to purchase, but it doesn’t seem so completely overwhelming anymore
- I am actually looking FORWARD to the future, rather than dreading it. I have a feeling that RGG will be in my life for at least the forseeable future, I have plans with the kids and with friends, I have goals to work towards… I know that things will be good.
Other than that… things are just plodding along. I am going to try to fill my days these next 2 weeks so I don’t feel so lonely without RGG, try to back off a bit and not be so needy (laugh), and get my life back in order. I have got to get back to the gym a bit more than I have been… 
You ask for everything you want. It’s okay to ask, and now that you’re both at the end, he’s more likely to be reasonable. Plus, anything he gives away is something he doesn’t have to pack. Feel free to mention that.