Frozen Nowhere

The boyfriend (aka, RGG) says that I think “too much”.
 
He’s right, you know.
 
I think a lot.
 
I think about everything.
 
And not just important things, but small things that get inside my psyche and trick me into thinking that they are BIG IMPORTANT SCARY things. Things that start off scratching at my consiousness, and become wrapped up in so much worry, like a huge pearl of anxiety… covered with layer after layer after layer of worry and anxiety.
 
I do this. I know I do.
 
I have always felt that putting a lot of conscious thought into things was a strength of mine.
 
But in reality I’m not dealing with

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Yes, today I am a giant bundle of annoyed. Most of it I have directed at the legal profession, and more specifically theEx’s lawyer… but to some extent my lawyer is being painted with the same brush too.
 
I just really wish they would say what they MEAN or be CLEAR.
 
But that’s too much to ask of anyone trained in the legal profession, apparently.
 
Or Engineers.
 
Yes… today is “hate the Engineer” day too… follow along here (theEx is/was a Professional Engineer)…
 
There is no way to ruin a day FASTER than to have to talk to a legal representative early in your day and try to figure out what the opposing counsel

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But my brain ate it.
 
So… last night, about 1:30am or 2am, I was jolted awake by the “beep-beep-beep” and rumbling buzz of my phone signaling that I had received a text message.
 
Now… I don’t know about all of YOU (all 1-6 people who have in passing read this blogity-autobiographical rambling mess that signifies my life) out there in happy-internet-blog-land… but I tend to be ASLEEP, in BED, with my 2 felines well before 1am on a weekday.
 
Why?
 
Because, dear readers (snicker) I, like many other people in their mid-30s with debt to pay off and children to keep in clothing, shoes, food, and toys, have what is colloquially called a “real job”. Which means that on weeknights

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So… its been a while. 
 
My life kinda took a sideways slide last week, which was freaky, scary, unfortunate, and really made me not want to write anything about anything.
 
It took a LOT of talking to the people who matter the most to me, confiding in those I love, and some professional information and advice… but perspective has now been gained.
 
Things are not COMPLETELY resolved… there is still a giant question mark hanging over some aspects of my life, there are still fragments of my relationships that either can or cannot be repaired.
 
For one thing, I do not really know where I stand with RGG right now… but then again, I never

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I’ll live… maybe…
 
This week has been the worst week that i have been able to think of since the week I left theEx and lived in fear of what was going to happen to me and my children, which was blissfully topped off by being fired without cause from the job I loved (and where I had a support network of other people who had gone through the same kind of thing)…
 
Yeah. I feel like I am in hell this week.
 
It doesn’t help that I am entirely and utterly ALONE right now. I could use a hug in the worst way, to be touched and held so that I don’t feel like I am completely unlovable.
 
Right now I

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