My take on the Bachelor Finale
March5
Okay, okay… I have a confession here.
I know I don’t watch a lot of TV (this is true) and that I don’t follow many things (I have a handful of shows that I would LOVE to watch more but just due to my schedule I either don’t catch them or don’t have the channel that they come in on my tv right now)… and usually “The Bachelor” wouldn’t have rated…
Except, I managed to catch a handful of shows this “season” and I really kinda had hopes that this man was sincere.
So, here’s my “take” on this
I don’t get how ANYONE can think that its “right” or completely possible for someone to fall in love with another person in that kind of environment. Its just HARD.
First off this man had a harem of beautiful (and slightly DESPERATE) women paraded in front of him as choices for “mate”. Now, I am not a man (which is obvious) but I can’t see that having that many people vying for your attention could be easy. There are so many CHOICES, so many people who could be compatible in different ways, that how can the person (Bachelor or Bachelorette) make a real decision about how they feel about any ONE or TWO people?
I know how that feels.
During my (brief) stint on the online dating circuit I found the interest that my profile gathered to be both intoxicating and overwhelming. Here I was, a rather ordinary 30-something woman, mother of 2, separated and divorcing, with a rather ordinary set of interests and hobbies… and I chatted and exchanged emails with over 40 men in the month/month and a half that I had my profile up there.
FOURTY different men!
Of those 40 men, I set up dates with about 15 men.
Of those 15, I met 14 in person.
Of that 14, 2 I saw more than once (FireFighter and RGG).
Of those 2 I eventually chose RGG.
It was hard, because every time I went out with someone I was aware that I had other dates set up for following nights, and I always knew that if *I* was dating other people *THEY* were dating other people and that everything had to stay light… because no one really knew what it was that they wanted.
I just found it hard, because I could not relax and just enjoy the date without thinking about the fact that I had another date that COULD be better the following night.
So I can kinda see how having a harem of beautiful, successful, DESPERATE TO MARRY, women could be overwhelming for the poor boy (laugh). Add to that the fact that there is truely NO PRIVACY, that all these people are vying not only for the attention and love of this man/prize, but also for fame and glory on tv, and you can quickly see how a situation like THAT can get out of control.
I, for one, was NOT surprised that this season’s “Victim”, Jason, changed his mind. I can’t honestly SEE how anyone can, under the set of circumstances presented on this show, ask someone to share their life forever (or even for “until we divorce, bitterly and publicly”)… there is not enough TIME to make that decision, there is not enough PRIVACY to really discover if there is a real connection, and you HAVE to realize that the women are always painfully aware that not only are they being watched by this man, but millions of tv viewers as well, and they are not going to be 100% truely, honestly THEMSELVES until that camera is off and they can relax a bit…
I know everyone wants to rush out and blame the man (and as a woman, most people assume I am also going to call him a cad or a bastard or a jerk), but there is more to it than that.
I can honestly believe that after the cameras stopped rolling, after the glamour of being on tv and having to be someone that an audience (and they are fully aware that they are being watched and judged) will connect with ENDS, that the person who is ultimately chosen relaxs and turns back into the person that they really are when they aren’t trying to be someone for TV.
And that WILL change the chemistry of the relationship.
Who really knows who is to blame here? Maybe Melissa got tired of Jason’s constant weeping (whoo boy did he cry a lot… I like men that can cry, but this dude went overboard (or was chemically unbalanced like my second boyfriend, ColdBlood)). Maybe they realized that, when not being set up for tasks and dates by someone else, they had very little in common. Maybe there were personal habits that she had that he couldn’t stand?
Or maybe its just that throwing 25 women at one man and PRESSURING him into making a lifelong commitment to ONE in a short amount of time in a completely UNREALISTIC environment.
I am sorry that there are so many people out there who “root” for one woman (or man) over another, and who take these kinds of shows personally. Who are we (the viewers) to call names or throw fits over choices that other people, people we don’t KNOW beyond their best face forward that they present on this show, have to LIVE with.
We have to remember this:
Whether we like it or not, the Bachelor/Bachelorette is a GAME show
They are playing a GAME, just like the Amazing Race or Survivor or any of the other “reality” game shows out there. The end goal is entertainment — yes we WANT a happily ever after, but we have to be realistic when looking at these shows and understand that a PERSON is the ultimate prize here… but that THAT PERSON is also deeper than we can see on the screen in a few weeks.
Its a GAME.
We love to watch because some of us hope that there is still romance out there, forgetting that the romance is staged for the poor boy and that, on his own it is UNLIKELY that he would be this sauve or romantic. Most men just AREN’T. We might want to believe it (as women) but its a safer bet to live in the real world : MEN DO NOT MAKE HUGE ROMANTIC GESTURES VERY OFTEN.
We love to watch the women compete. We secretly like to watch the claws come out. Secretly, we like to see the “behind the scenes” type stuff where the women aren’t being BFFs to impress the guy they are trying to win. We forget that in real life these women would likely NEVER be tossed into one house together, and that they’d never KNOW that the guy they were dating was dating around… THESE SHOWS FEED ON JEALOUSY
We forget that there are real people here, and that the situations are fake and the people are trying to be wonderful and beautiful and perfect all the time, but that REAL LIFE IS NOT WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT all the time and that when REAL REALITY is imposed these people may likely NOT be the same people they paraded in front of the camera or in order to win the “prize”…
I gotta stop watching these things 
Life lessons with Pam (yes, I’m bringing it back):
- Reality TV is not REAL like it or not the situations that they create on these game shows are formulated to cause as much conflict between the contestants as possible
- Its entertainment. As much as people like to talk about who was wrong, the fact of the matter is that it was FORMULATED to get ratings.
- Men are not naturally that romantic without assistance. Its way easier to be romantic when you have a tv studio and crew, budget, designer, and writer designing dates for you. Its UNREALISTIC to expect real life dates to be that romantic, because its just not possible for the average person to do on their own. Shows like this feed on the romantic notions that women love and yearn for, but realize that they will never really get.
- If you want a rose, buy it yourself. Always better than bitterly yearning and never getting it from somoene else. I have found (and I admit I’m not the most romantically experienced person either) that when you meet your own needs, when you get yourself flowers or jewelry on your OWN, guys tend to pick up on those cues (“ah ha, THOSE are her favourites!”) and the rate of flowers increases. And if it doesn’t send a hint, well… now you have pretty flowers!!
Yay writing again…
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