Frozen Nowhere

In one more week I will be officially “mid-thirty”… I’m hoping that my 35th year of life on this planet will be better than my 34th year…

Let’s just say that 34 was NOT a good year for me in a lot of ways. This last month has been the hardest so far, and I’m just really hoping that the tail end of my 34th year can just fade into my nightmares and that my life can start again… that I, like the phoenix, can rise from the ashes and be reborn again.

I will rise above…

On the other hand… there have been a lot of GOOD things that have happened this year that I need to remember when I forget the bad things:

• I have learned to stand on my own 2 feet. I rented an apartment for myself and my kids and we have lived there, successfully, without assistance from any outside agency (child support doesn’t count, because that is court ordered payment to equalize the kids’ environments).
• Financially I am in a much stronger position than I have been for my entire life. I say that without any exaggeration at all. For the first time in my life I not only have savings, I have enough in my chequing account to cover my expenses easily, and I have investments. I have debts, of course, but I have an action plan for dealing with them that will, hopefully, ensure that I am pretty much clear of debts within 5 years.
• I have plans
• I have plans to get out of debt.
• I have plans to be able to own my own home within a few years time
• I have plans to travel with my children (which might affect the buying of the home, but you only have one chance to make memories when they are young).
• I have plans to become a better parent and a better human being.
• I have broken a number of very negative patterns and eliminated a few negative people from my life.

Basically, I have become a stronger, more capable, more well-rounded person. I have moved beyond the scared, angry person I was when I was with theEx and the frustrated and confused person I was when I was with the Stalker, and I have started to be who I am and not what the men in my life WANT me to be.

Yes, I have a ways to go on that, but I’m working on it. Every day is an opportunity to improve my life, my family and my SELF… Some days I have failed. Some days I have started off good and fallen off the tracks, losing myself to the moments. Some days I did way better than I expected…

All any of us can do is be the best we can be and keep trying. Every day is another opportunity to be the person we want to be.