Instigator….
April25
I have been called an ‘instigator’ by most of my friends. And then you get them all in one room (like for my birthday party) and they all compare NOTES you know… and then it just really looks… bad really…
I’m sure they mean it in the nicest possible way. Even being that its *technically* true… kinda…
You see… I am the kind of person who likes to think up new plans. I like the concepts of doing things, but I don’t always have the courage to do them myself.
But I’m good at “selling” the ideas to people… people whom I can usually talk into doing things.
Its how I got my friend, Serin, to start a podcast (which he seems to have dropped by the wayside) so that he could test out how to do it before I tried to do one (that failed spectacularly, of course).
And how the“embrace the suck” project was born, and sorta left by the side of the road.
How my friend, G, got sucked into the universe of NaNoWriMo (which I told her about and have subsequently NEVER actually participated in)…
Or how about how I started the bi-weekly scrapbook sessions at a local shop, but have only gone 3 or 4 times (because I also started doing the online dating thing and kinda wanted to go on DATES with MEN on Friday nights when I didn’t have the kids… and then started dating Reg… who now doesn’t seem to want to spend weekends with me anyway, but DID 6 months ago when we started out… and really… I might NEED my weekend nights to date AGAIN sometime)…
And now I have *almost* talked Serin into doing the speed dating thing.
Because, of course, its something I always thought might be kinda interesting… but I haven’t had a chance. When I was newly single I had the Stalker clinging to my ankle like a ball and chain and it was likely he would have shown up to an event like that JUST to keep tabs on me… and then I started dating Reg… and besides that the only 2 events that were held during the time I was doing the online dating thing were on weekends when I had my kids and no babysitter…
It is something that I will definately look into if things with Reg go south.
(Not that they are… i’m just sad this weekend because it will be the very first weekend (and the first time) in 6 months of dating where I haven’t seen him at least one day out of a week. And that means, if you’re following along here, that I won’t be “getting any” — which for me is practically a TRAGEDY!!! Seven months ago I could barely stand the thought of “hooking up” with a boy, physically, because what I had with theEx and the Stalker was just not really worth it. But my libido has really woken up since I have been dating Reg, and I find that since we only get an opportunity about once a week, I look forward to that… and now I have to wait and wait… because I can’t go out there and he isn’t coming in 
Colour me sad right now… or frisky…
But that’s neither here nor there yet… not looking at dumping him… he’s just distracted by his own divorce and custody drama that have come to a head lately (as mine seem to be petering out)
Hey, this girl has NEEDS too… and its come as a big shock to me of all people!)
So… the point of the story is that I tend to not want to do things that I think of, but I make people do them and I observe… and I have been wondering if this is more an indication that I am too afraid to really live my life.
It’s well known and well documented that I am afraid to fail at things. I hold impossible standards for myself that I don’t hold for others. I am afraid to write, date, go out and meet new friends, start hobbies, or be rejected.
And so I instigate social experiments in order to try out new things without risk of failure…
But I don’t WANT to always be that person.
So, this year (my 35th) I have decided I am gonna try to be more than an instigator and try to go out there and DO some of these things MYSELF.
OBVIOUSLY, though, Serin is just going to have to go do the speed dating thing FOR me because I am not gonna risk losing Reg over a social experiment.
And Serin NEEDS a girl… he might not like me pointing that out, but he does (and quite a few of HIS readers agree with me). The point is just getting him out and out there, where the girls are, to talk to real people face to face!
… and to write about it, of course.
It isn’t at ALL about entertaining me. (Even though he thinks that it is) (well… maybe a little)… its to break him out of the rut he’s in…
And entertaining me… of course.
He’s my best friend, I just want to see him HAPPY at the end of the day…
But I have decided that I will be doing things myself too.
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I currently own over 20 blank books. I have decided that I need to start keeping a daily journal again, and what better way to do this than in one of the multitude of blank journals I own? I am gonna take pictures and see if anyone out there is interested enough to give an opinion on which I should use!
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Obviously I can blog. I am going to keep up with the blog. And I am gonna try to translate SOME of the blogging into my scrapbooking. I have started an “Embrace the Suck” scrapbook all about myself and the things that make me tick. This will be featured mostly on the Embrace the Suck Project blog, along with my attempts to knit and sew
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Back to the Podcast!
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More hobbies… but the part that I need to work on is to get OUT THERE and be with other people.
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Take my kids travelling (Toronto this year)
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RELAX and play more with crafts and stuff…
So yeah… less instigating…
I do have ONE idea that I’m gonna keep a bit secret for now until I work out how to do it
(I heard that!!)
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I read Embrace the Suck. Good stuff. I’m SO like that too. If I don’t excel at something the first time, I give up. And if I’m not good at something, but HAVE to do it, I don’t put my full effort into it. It’s not good! And I’m a bit of an instigator too…