Frozen Nowhere

What if…
 
yesterday was one of those days where it kinda felt like nothing was going right:

• TheEx emailed me asking what the heck was going on with the divorce, and why he hadn’t received anything to sign yet.
• Had to email the lawyer (and his supervisor) regarding the fact that he had continually let me down and failed to respond to inquiries
• Babysitter let me know that my son is STILL avoiding eating almost everything by spitting things out in the toilet (not puking it up, JUST spitting)
• went to get the computer that I have picked out for the kids to use (I need to get BoyChild more into

…

Today in the life of me…
 
I hate days like this, where i feel like I am under water, dreaming and waiting for my real life to BEGIN. In so many ways it doesn’t feel like my life has started, or more specifically, that I am on hold in my life and just waiting for the ability to move forward.
 
Two weeks ago my LawyerBird finally got back to me regarding his bill. I have to mention, here, that he was SUPPOSED to forward me a copy of said bill at the end of MAY… and today is the ending of August, 3 months PAST the time he promised to…

Names, Names, Everywhere Names
 
I have several names… but then again doesn’t everyone?
I have the names that I am known by online via email accounts or social networking connections such as Twitter and IM/chat programs. I have nicknames and pet names and titles…
I have my “Christian” name — you know, my given names — which happen to be Pamela (Pam).
I have my maiden name, which I was volun-told to change when I married (theEx didn’t think his family could “accept” that his wife might want to keep her own name after marriage, and his family was always his first and foremost concern in all decisions)… which is still on record with a…

Ye Gods!
 
Its been a while since i wrote.
 
I could say that life is busy — but in reality it isn’t.
I could say that I have so many responsibilities — but I don’t.

The truth is that I have been driven under by OVERWHELM in my life right now… characterized by poor sleep, nightmares, anxiety, panicky feelings, tears, and complete uncertainty about my life choices and where I am going. There is no simple explanation about this… I just feel like things aren’t where I thought they would be, and the not being sure when things will change, improve, or just SHIFT is making me feel horribly insecure about…

Another Time Away…

Every time I attempt to get into a routine it seems that my life gets in the way.

I am thinking that most of it is the summer and the uncertainty and lack of routine that goes on for everyone in the summer time… 
That being said… this past weekend I took the opportunity to get away with Reg for a child free period of time. 
It has been THREE months since we had a date night, and that night I invited my friend C to hang out with us since I thought she was going to move away in the summer. 
I have to confess… I was starting to doubt…