What if…
August27
What if…
yesterday was one of those days where it kinda felt like nothing was going right:
- TheEx emailed me asking what the heck was going on with the divorce, and why he hadn’t received anything to sign yet.
- Had to email the lawyer (and his supervisor) regarding the fact that he had continually let me down and failed to respond to inquiries
- Babysitter let me know that my son is STILL avoiding eating almost everything by spitting things out in the toilet (not puking it up, JUST spitting)
- went to get the computer that I have picked out for the kids to use (I need to get BoyChild more into using the computer to write since he struggles with hand writing styles of all kinds) only to be COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY IGNORED by the sales staff at the FUTURE SHOP
- yes, I’m gonna say it, they were ignorant in that several of the people in the computer sales department noticed that we were waiting at the sales station, and they WALKED RIGHT PAST us – even with BoyChild saying “Excuse me, we need to buy something” at them! I know that a woman with young children isn’t the customer that most of them might WANT, but we were actually READY to make a purchase and they lost our sale because they ignored us. And they blatantly ignored the lady in the wheelchair and her friend/associate/relative that were ASKING for assistance in making a sale! RUDE RUDE RUDE
But there is always so much potential in my life that, even with the daily frustrations of the last few years, I have to realize that I am doing better, I am moving on, and I’m seeing the potential that I have now.
I have friends! Sometimes I forget this because, let’s face it, with a full time job and 2 kids I often don’t do much more than just go to work and come home. Even the weeks I don’t have the kids I have so much housework to catch up on, its a never ending cycle of clean and mess. Often I am too tired to think of going out after work. So I find that, other than talking online or seeing Reg and his girls on weekends, I tend to live very solitary. I have friends, of course, but I don’t talk to them very often either… I like to spend time with Reg when I can because he lives out of town, and with my kids, when they are with me… but other people tend to get squeezed out of the equation.
I try to remember to cultivate other interests, and to branch out (and call or email people more) and keep in touch with people, and I do that with varying degrees of success. I have made a few new online friends here and there, I have tried to cultivate new creative interests, and branch out to include my kids in my creative interests. I have started to spend time with another single-mother friend, and I have even registered to take an Irish Dance class here in the city (and theEx’s girlfriend can bite me if she has an issue with this).
I have made an effort, recently, to try and determine some things I would like to do “before I die”… I used to have a list like this (I detest the phrase “bucket list” so I won’t use that term) of things to do within the reaches of my incarnation (snicker)… I don’t know where it went, but I have a list of various items on 43 Things (but I only have 39) and that’s a start. I try to add, delete and cross off things as they occur to me or as I do them… (if I remember to check every month)…
Anyway, one of the things that has been on my Life Experiences List for as long as I can remember has been to get my passport. It’s actually NOT hard to get a passport, but I hadn’t ever DONE it. I never needed to, because I never left the country.
Now I am considering it.
I am considering, very seriously, attending a wedding in Texas (yay) for friends I have yet to meet in person (yay)… and that would require me getting my passport (yay)…
And then… the LOGISTICS hit me:
I am sure I can get the passport, and I am sure that I can afford the flight…
But then what? I mean, where do I stay?
Where is their house in relation to the event?
How do I get around?
What happens if I have a panic attack, will anyone understand?
What happens if I am overwhelmed?
How will I find meals in a strange city (and country?)?
Can I find my way around in a strange city?
Can I find assistance in a strange country?
Who do I turn to if something happens when I am so far away from home?
Where is their house in relation to the event?
How do I get around?
What happens if I have a panic attack, will anyone understand?
What happens if I am overwhelmed?
How will I find meals in a strange city (and country?)?
Can I find my way around in a strange city?
Can I find assistance in a strange country?
Who do I turn to if something happens when I am so far away from home?
And I am kinda second guessing myself…
Any ideas how to cope with flying alone to a new place?
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It’s time to step out of the comfort zone and LIVE!
I agree… I may not get another chance to meet these people, or visit Texas… or take a trip on my OWN…