Frozen Nowhere

I have a confession to make:

I’m not doing well lately.

I have been trying to hide it, trying to put a happy face on, trying to ignore all the things that feel like they are falling down around me while I try to shore up everything at once, trying to believe that I can do this on my own without even the merest sense of friendship or support coming my way.

It’s not working for me (shock, awe, gasps of horror).

I mean, trying to do it all on my own has likely not been working for me for YEARS (and I say this honestly, I was doing it all on my own BEFORE I even considered leaving my

…

I have to admit it… I’m in a slump lately.

Things just haven’t seemed… right… for a few weeks and I have been struggling, valiantly and not so valiantly in randomized patterns, to try and figure out what it IS that is “not right”…

Lack of Support is a huge slice of Unhappy Pie

It is certainly something that i have been aware of for months, if not years… always at the back of my mind, niggling and squiggling at my consciousness.

I don’t have a support network that I can fall back on in times of stress.

I was (and still am) a sensitive child. I wanted the safe, secure, loving relationship that I saw…

(that isn’t referring to depression, just the fact that there is less daylight now )
 
I am STRUGGLING to wake up…
 
I am struggling to find a way to feel AWAKE again, to feel like I am present in my life. Struggling to find the TIME to make time for ME and what I need to do to feel alive and well…
 
Since I came back from my mini vacation/training last week I have been dragging. 
 
With work (and therefore training for work) being something I feel DRAINS me and gives me nothing much back, the prior depletion of my resources just succeeded in making me feel more drained than usual.

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Friends, Romans, Countrymen…
 
Okay, so I don’t know if I have anything profound to say today… but as that has never once stopped me from novelizing the minutia of my life, the fact that I have been relatively absent should likely twig anyone who knows me that something has been up.
 
So, What’s UP?

Because I have been doing the WILD GROWING THING lately, there are a lot of things going on:

• Work is busy and draining 
• post-workular activities
• drainage in the love department
• leaving the country
• meeting friends that I had previously only connected with via computer screen
• opening up for acceptance
• travelling

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