Count down and where the hell did the time go?
I am starting to panic
No, seriously, I’m not sure if I can “get ‘er done” and get everything moved. It feels like there is SO much to do and I don’t know if I can get it all completed in time.
This is the first time I will be moving on my own with minimal help.
The first time without a “partner” to assist in packing and cleaning and arranging things (although I did all the logistics)
The first time without family assistance
The first time I need to deal with 2 homes at once – moving stuff out , doing repairs, and cleaning the old place while painting and setting up a new place.
The first time I will OWN a place on my own
And I haven’t even started packing
You heard me, I haven’t started packing yet.
I intended to do a bunch of it this past weekend… but things didn’t work out that way. Friday found me exhausted from being kept awake late by the neighbors and then woken up AGAIN by same neighbors at 4am when they decided to turn their music UP… I was a walking zombie Friday at work.
Added to that, the stress seemed to finally catch up with me and I ended up with the beginning of a UTI. I plain didn’t feel like trying to find boxes and drag everything out and pack it up.
And then I had to run out to the Scout camp on Saturday night to go to campfire for my BoyChild because his father had only agreed to let BoyChild GO if he didn’t have to do anything other than drop him off and pick him up (and BoyChild wanted to go and for some reason hoped his father would care enough to come and participate with all the other parents at the campfire event… he doesn’t know his father very well, does he?). So in order to not make BoyChild feel like no one cared about him, I trucked my sorry (and SORE) ass out in the snow to the middle of nowhere to be there for my kid.
That’s how I roll, yo!
And Sunday… well… I wanted to REST because I hadn’t slept well and I hadn’t felt well…. I just wanted downtime.
I should have booked myself off from all other obligations and found boxes and packed. But I didn’t.
So I have to find a way to find boxes between my full time job, evening activities and obligations, housework, and parenting this week. Which I am thinking won’t be easy to do because this week I have something each evening – Scouts, Dance, counseling appointment, support group, kids – so unless boxes fall from the sky or I purchase banker boxes I will have to wait until the weekend to start packing…
And that’s not ALL I have to do, I still have to:
- Change my address for all my accounts and things
- Get my satellite service moved
- Get internet hooked up in my house
- Choose paint colours
- Figure out when people can bring deliveries
- Disassemble things which can’t fit out the doors of the old place
- Fix doors and paint issues in the old place
And OMG taxes need to be done… and things need to be dealt with.
I don’t feel qualified to do this stuff on my own. I don’t feel like I should be solitary, but I am. I feel like I need family, I need care and love and being part of a group that will actually work with me. Sometimes, in the dead of night, I realize that I am truly alone in a world that is dark and scary. Where I thought I would have someone to have and to hold, I have cats who only want to be fed or to trip me in the dark.
I am glad to be single right now, don’t get me wrong. The alternatives would be theEx (abusive and distant), the Stalker (hoarder and clingy, also live the cycle of abuse), or Reg (totally tuned out of life), and I am happier without any of them. I am happier without being told what to do or think or say or be or eat or feel. I am happier doing my crafty things and being active (when its not too cold out) than sitting around gaining weight and watching tv. I am happier spending my time and energy on my children, rather than on being the perfect little wifey . I am happy with my mild clutter and clean spaces rather than facing the potential of dealing with a hoarder on a daily basis.
I look forward to having a home of my own and having MY tastes and style front and center. I want to explore who I am and what I am, and have that show in my space.
But sometimes, late at night, I wish I had someone to hug. I wish I had someone to help haul crap with me. I wish that there was someone out there who could accept me for me…
I wish it didn’t feel “too late” for a 35 year old mother of 2… sometimes its just 2am inside my mind.
In the light of day I know it will all be okay. Not because I am stronger than I think (I am) or because there will be something magical that happens to pull it off at the last minute (there might be)… but because it has to be.
I just can’t seem to slow down time to give me more space …
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I know this is old advice, and it maybe even sounds a little simplistic or condescending, but just do one thing at a time. Don’t worry about everything all at once, just focus on one task at a time. In that way, mountains get moved, and you’ll be enjoying your new space in no time.
And for even more great advice…just remember, this too shall pass…
OK, Now that you’ve mentally bitch-slapped me, use that anger to fuel your fire, and get things done!
@Jay Thanks… sometimes I forget that things are more complicated if I try to do eveything at once. I still wish boxes would rain from the sky, that would ROCK.
And… as an added bonus to all the stress of it all, my landlord wants pictures of the place by monday so he can put up an ad to attract new tenants to replace me and the children. Um… yeah… I have to replace the entire bathroom doorframe and fix the paint job that I’m sure R’s kids destroyed in the boy’s room (the paint PEELED off the wall under the window)… and I have to pack and clean and take reasonable pictures… OMG OMG OMG
Boy does this bring back (bad) memories. One thing I can tell you is that you WILL get there. You’ll finish everything you need to get done, and you’ll manage to move all by yourself. Trust me, if I can do it, you can do it (I did have a little help from the “not” husband, but it was almost worse to have him around).
If you need ideas on where to find boxes, etc., I’m great at that kind of thing. (grocery stores are great, for example)
good luck! I KNOW you’ll be fine.
@ej I know… right now its just nerve wracking not knowing how to get it done with the time line that I have left. It always seems that as soon as I figure that I have all the ducks in a row something throws duckfood at them and they scatter! I have a weekend to do things and I end up in pain with a UTI and exhaustion due to being unable to sleep. Then I have a week that gets booked up… and now extra requests from the landlord meaning that i have to get the repairs done ASAP so I can do that for him too…
Your kitty picture looks like my Arthur… that’s the look of “hey, chick, you gonna FEED me now” that i get every morning when I open my eyes…
I am going out tomorrow and maybe Thursday as well. I am going to stop at least one or two of LBS’s and see if I can get you any boxes.
I have found the cat carrier, so that is ok.
Once you have the keys and the paint we can start on that.
Make a list, check it twice and we will work our way down it.