In January I wrote out the things I most wanted to change in my life in 2010, rather than writing out resolutions. I focused on the 5 areas of my life that I felt I needed to change to start getting back to being more fully ME.
The fourth of these areas, the area I had just had a major epiphany about, was wanting to be more aware of the patterns in my life and to live more CONSCIOUSLY. I wanted to go from not OWNING my decisions to making mindful and meaningful decisions for myself and my family.
So in order to keep myself on track, I have decided that I am going to check in every season to see how I am going, what I forgot, what goals have changed, and what I have achieved.
The things that I was being motivated to change in my life?
- How I related and communicated with my children.
- My living environment
- Friendships, new and old
- My own interests and hobbies
- My diet and what I am feeding my children
- What I was brining into my home and spending my money on
- My spirituality
- Looking at my BOUNDARIES
I felt the pain of growth, of blooming, but it’s a loving and exquisite pain like giving birth. I am openning myself up to new things – I know there are more changes coming as I reach out beyond the insular world I have created to protect me. I no longer need to keep myself “safe” from the experiences of the world.
How I am making changes
Things I have changed!
- I left the country!!
- I met a bunch of really cool blogger type people (but unfortunately kinda fell down with ever talking to them again, I fell into the “I’m not on their level” trap)
- I bought a townhouse
- Moved to my own house
- I got over the disappointment in my relationship and saw the REAL issue there
- I threw myself into dance
- I participated in an 8 week support group
- Admitted to myself that I was not happy with theNoodle and that I wanted to be treated better
Things I am still working on:
- Not worrying what theEx will do about the support amendments
- I dealing with my divorce case and making sure my lawyer LISTENS
- Ignoring theEx’s attempts to continue his abusive behavior/control
- I admitting that my marriage was abusive
- Determining my boundaries for ME
- Changing my eating habits
- Changing my communication patterns with my kids
- Getting out and joining things I want to explore
- Working own my spirituality
Things I have yet to start (but will)
- Writing on Facing East Again
- Spiritual practice/meditation/reflection
- Creating Family Goal Plan and how we want to work towards it
There is so much MORE to come as the swirling vortex settles into a new pattern of my life… I am blooming. I am putting thought to the questions that “came” to me and moving forward with my eyes open.
I will continue to spend time WITH myself, reminding myself to take time to SEE and FEEL and KNOW what I want. I am going to start working on more meditative practices and spiritual workings… spending time APPRECIATING the world and my place in it. In
Why I need to change:
MY NEW affirmation!:
I WILL let myself BLOOM. I will give myself time ALONE.
I am not a victim, I REFUSE to be a victim anymore. I will not sleep through my life or be a passive passenger. I have woken up from the fog with the true Arian fire and passion coursing through me again…. And I LIKE IT. I know I have power in my own life, to make my OWN happiness… and I will not give that to another person again.
I deserve to be the person I was meant to be.
Tags: as-I-see-it, Changes: Living Mindfully, check in, family, friends, goals, my life, relationships, spirituality, updatesI WILL be more conscious about the way I live. I WILL spend more time connecting with people. I WILL spend more time doing things that please me. I WILL spend more time with my children. I WILL share my passions with my children, and encourage them to share their passions with me. I WILL savor my quiet time. I WILL journal more. I WILL write more. I WILL dance more. I WILL find a way to do yoga in the mornings or evenings. I WILL create a PERSONAL and FAMILY Plan. I WILL look into bellydancing, Nia, Yoga, support groups, book clubs. I WILL start getting OUT and having FUN when I have the chance, not sitting around at home waiting for something — I WILL go out there and get it! I WILL swim and skate with my kids more. I WILL have a family games night. I WILL meditate. I WILL create. I WILL explore my inner worlds. I WILL say no to things that don’t help me meet MY goals. I WILL reconnect with my spirituality. I WILL create meal plans so that less time is wasted worrying. So I will.
Getting out and doing stuff is hard work, but definitely easier if you get in the habit of doing something. You should do the photo challenge thinger I do. It’s fun and it makes you get out and wander without needing to spend money. (Hey look, I’m instigating at you! You’re a bad influence on me!
“Umm… if YOU are instigating ME how am I still the bad influence?”
Because I’d not think of it if you weren’t trying to get me in trouble all the time.