Frozen Nowhere

I wanted to change my relationships for the better, how am I doing?

 In January I wrote out the things I most wanted to change in my life in 2010, rather than writing out resolutions.  I focused on the 5 areas of my life that I felt I needed to change to start getting back to being more fully ME.

The third of these areas, my relationships, was motivated by not only the realization that my love life was in toilet and I wanted to dump theNoodle, but also because my relationships with my self, my spirituality, my kids, and my friends was suffering (partly BECAUSE of my relationship with theNoodle), and I wanted to make a mindful change.…

 In January I wrote out the things I most wanted to change in my life in 2010, rather than writing out resolutions.  I focused on the 5 areas of my life that I felt I needed to change to start getting back to being more fully ME.

The second of these areas was that I wanted to start having a POSITIVE relationship with my finances instead of being afraid of them.

So in order to keep myself on track, I have decided that I am going to check in every season to see how I am going, what I forgot, what goals have changed, and what I have achieved.

How am I implementing changes?

So the first thing,…

I wanted to change my living arrangement, how am I doing?

 In January I wrote out the things I most wanted to change in my life in 2010, rather than writing out resolutions.  I focused on the 5 areas of my life that I felt I needed to change to start getting back to being more fully ME.

The first of these areas, the area I had already started working on (and which started me realizing that I wanted more than a new home) was that I wanted to move from where I was living and into a healthier environment for myself and my kids.

So in order to keep myself on track, I have decided that I am going…

I try to live my life in the open… mostly.

I try to be open to myself, open to the world, open to people.  I try not to hide who I am here.

But I still have been having a very difficult time getting to know other people in my real life.  In the past I have often felt very disconnected, cut off, unwanted, unloved, and unworthy. In short, I often felt LONELY.

Loneliness is not necessarily being ALONE

In the past I believed (wrongly) that my worth as a woman was determined by my ability to get a man. When I was with someone I gave up everything I was to try and be who that person…

Some days it just feels like I am not fully equip to live in normal society.  There are a LOT of days where I feel IMMENSE and IMMEASUREABLE (although, let’s admit it I still TRY to measure it, I measure everything) guilt over the decisions I made in the past few years – right OR wrong – and how horribly I have “broken” things.

Every SINGLE day I deal with a litany of complaints from ALL arenas about my children. Either theEx is complaining because of expenses associated with the children or having to deal with some issue with that the kids are having, or it’s GirlChild’s teacher complaining about how GirlChild BEHAVES. And a lot of the issues are…