Randomly I participate in Jamie Ridler’s Wishcasting Wednesday meme. Sometimes I intend to do it, and forget. Sometimes I just don’t really have a concrete answer. Sometimes life just gets in the way…

So… this week’s question is:

What do you wish to have?

I notice, once I have written it down (or typed it out) that it isn’t “what do you wish you had?”… it’s not a regret, it’s not yearning, it’s looking forward to gaining something that isn’t there YET…

Profound

So what do I wish to HAVE?

1. Family.  I don’t feel particularly close to any of my family, and that’s something I don’t really know how to change.  Because I am not exactly the kind of woman my mother wanted in a daughter, I have not felt love and support growing up that fostered my innate desire to explore and take leaps of faith. While they aren’t necessarily bad, my family has not really been there for me through the worst of my divorce or after and I have ended up feeling completely abandoned.  I wish to have “family”, even not-biologically related people who stood in for family – a set of people that I felt I belonged with and who cared and supported me and whom I cared and supported, a set of people who I knew would not “I told you so” when I took risks that didn’t pan out.
2. Family (part 2). Ever since I left theEx I have felt a lack. I always wanted to be married and have children, and a part of me felt like leaving the marriage (even an abusive one) was giving up half of what I was and half of my dreams.  Since I only have joint custody, there are weeks I don’t get to see (or talk to) my children while they are with theEx, which stresses me more than the lack of life partner. It isn’t a “GOAL”, in that I don’t think that I would do anything JUST to remarry or cohabitate with someone else, but it’s something I do wish to have… someday. To have someone I love to be there at the end of the day, to raise children with someone as an equal and cared for part of a nuclear family… I wish to have a life partner and children.
3. Passion/Purpose.  I know that it’s out there… somewhere… but I have to find it. I know that there HAS to be something I am good at, good enough at something that I can make a career out of it, or good enough at something that it’s all I want to do. I’m just not sure what that is… yet. I want to have the peace of mind that comes with knowing why I am here…

What do YOU wish to have?