I love…

… the newly painted green of my bedroom.

…the warmth of a kitty cat

…circles, spirals, dots, swirls

…greens, blues, indigos

…brown eyed susans on the side of the highway.

…calla lilies, roses, lilacs

…aurora borealis shining overhead at night

… being held by one who cares

…holding my children in my arms

…having a home of my own

…being part of a family, even a broken one.

…travelling, something I NEVER thought I would love when I was younger (and more naïve).

…baking and cooking (just not doing the dishes).

…trying new foods (as long as they are fish and peanut free)

…arts and crafts

…frogs

…taking pictures

… creating art

I have been doing a lot of thinking of what things I love to do, as I am still on an exquisite exploration of my me-ness. Part of this has been looking at things that I enjoy, that feed my soul, and incorporating things I love into my life to make things feel fuller. It’s something that I have regretted not spending time on in my past, because I often did the “womanly” thing and put the needs of others before myself… and I lost a lot of time learning what I do and do not like/enjoy by ignoring myself.

While I am not exactly SINGLE anymore (I am in a committed non-live in relationship) I do not want to walk down that path again, which is exactly why I am trying to use this time in my life to find out exactly what I want, like, and NEED for myself outside of my relationships with any other people.  Too soon life changes and I might not get the time or have the ability to explore or have alone time like I do now.  I don’t want to wait forever to try new things, especially knowing that my partner is NOT at all interested in trying new things with me.

While I love Reg very much, I just can’t see him being willing to take a trip somewhere new, go to an opera or ballet, take a class with me, or try a new kind of food… he just wouldn’t do it and I know from experience that there isn’t a point in pulling someone along to things they seriously do NOT want to try… it’s about as pleasant as taking a cat for a walk.

So… part of my process is trying things out on my own, for me. Not needing another person to be with me, to share things with me (although, yes, it is much more fun when you get to have an adventure with someone you love). It’s part of my process of being SINGLE (because I am not married to him, even if I am committed to seeing if this is what we both want out of life) and finding the places I can compromise my yearning for new, adventurous things with the idea of having a life partner who is there for me for the long haul, everyday type events that are truly important.

I don’t know if I will marry again, or cohabitate with anyone… that’s the future and one that’s too uncertain to speculate on.  I am planning my life for ME… and if someone else fits into it on the way that’s great (I know that my kids fit into it already, since they are part of my whole life)… but if they don’t I’m no longer going to be the kind of girl who gives up everything she is and dulls down her existence because of a man…

Never again…

So, while I have time to decide the path I want to take I am doing all I can to enjoy my life. If that means having a glass of wine with dinner, so be it (Reg is a complete teetotaler) even if my SO doesn’t share the pleasure. If I want to go out and try something new, I am willing to invite my S.O along, but I am not longer willing to forgo things just because they don’t WANT to come along for the ride.  I will no longer allow someone else tell me I CANNOT do something just because they do not want to do it…

So I have decided that I am going to try and implement a plan of action for my life:

• Take at least one class a year to learn something I love
  • Last year it was Irish dance, this year I will continue with Irish dance and if I can afford it I will take Tae Kwon Do with my son as well
  • Take myself on at least one small trip every year (within reason)
  • Save at least $100 a month into a savings account
    • By cutting cable back to basic or tier 1, my internet phone to basic, and my internet to high speed light and managing my cell plan better
    • Taking lunches instead of buying lunches for work
    • Cutting down grocery costs
    • Cutting energy costs  as much as possible (running only full loads of laundry, changing to energy efficient lights, unplugging things that are not critical when not in use)
    • Pay down my debts within 2 years (mortgage excluded J)
      • All GST, bonuses and tax refunds go to pay down debt
      • No incurring new debts
      • Pay off credit cards and consolidating into the line of credit which has a significantly lower interest
      • Move towards super secret plans J

In the mean time I will EXPERIENCE my life more…

Any tips/hints/suggestions to doing that? What do you do to EXPERIENCE life fully?