Frozen Nowhere

I seem to have fallen silent here lately, and that’s a shame because I feel like I have things to write about but not the time to write them (work has kicked up a notch and after a day on the computer I have no desire lately to spend more time online)… I assume this is a summer thing, as there are other things I am better able to do while the season is at least somewhat pleasant.

So… the question Jamie asks this week is :

What do you wish to send LOVE to?

As weird as it might seem, I wish to send love to my SELVES :

•  I wish to love the unloved child-self that never felt like she was “enough” for her family 
•  I wish to send love to my wife-self so that she can understand that it was necessary and RIGHT to have left her abusive marriage for something better. I wish for her to love herself because she was strong enough to leave, instead of hating herself for staying so long or not staying longer.
• I wish to send love to my mother-self so that she forgives herself for not the mistakes she (and wife-self) has made with the kids. I wish for her to understand that kids want her TIME and ATTENTION, not objects and clutter and detritus. I want her to forgive the “imperfections” and “issues” that other people point to in her children, and help her to see the beautiful shining souls that are just waiting to come forth in her children. I want her to love what she does do instead of hating herself for the things she can’t do. 
•  I wish to send love to my lover self so she understands that to love someone doesn’t mean to lose the self in him or allow him to walk all over her 
•  I wish to send love to my future self, so she can see that the “mistakes” of her life were fated necessity… I wish her to love the journey and to continue seeking the path because Present-Self doesn’t wish to give up trying to find her place in the world 
•  I wish to love my Present-Self. I wish to love myself, because I should. I wish to accept myself. I wish to keep cheering for myself even though I feel LOST. I wish to forgive my “flaws” and love me no matter what anyone else thinks.
• I wish to send love to my Creator-me so that she can understand that being creative is NOT about being PERFECT, it’s a fundamental need I have, and there is no “right” and “perfect” wasy to do it, nor is there an easy way to get through other than to try and try and try…

I also wish to send LOVE to:

•  My children, so they would always know that even when I am hard on them, even when I don’t give them everything they want, I love them and am willing to sacrifice to make them happy, healthy and well rounded.
• My family so they will someday be able to love and accept my life choices.
• My friends, whom I don’t get to talk to or see often due to time, energy, or distance.
•  The friends I have yet to meet, knowing that someday I will love them, its just a waiting time now.