Frozen Nowhere

I have been struggling to find a new blog title/domain name that better describes where I am going right now that I am no longer in the winter-styled, loneliness that was my life when I started Frozen Nowhere…

THEN: I was a 33 year old woman who had done the seemingly impossible by walking out of an almost 10-year marriage with an “upwardly mobile” engineer. I was living in a tiny town in the middle-north of Saskatchewan, sleeping on my parent’s basement couch. I was practically broke, because the husband that everyone thought was SO wonderful had decided to try and break me by not paying child support while spending as fast and furiously on our joint accounts as he could before I could slap him with official separation papers. I had full custody of my children, and was trying my best to meet their emotional needs while balancing his excesses, my more-than- full-time job, and trying to find a new home. I was distraught – and I was emotionally frozen.

NOW: I am a 36 year old woman with her life moving in the direction she wants it to be. I live in a condo I own, share custody of my children with their father, and date an incredible man that I am considering moving towards a life with. I have 2 insane feline companions who keep me company, a lover who cares enough to make the effort to erase the mistakes we made in the past, and goals that I am working towards. I live in the biggest city in Saskatchewan, and while it isn’t the place I would have ultimately WANTED to live my life, it is better than the middle of nowhere. I am hopeful – and I am emotionally BLOOMING.

Obviously I’m in a new phase of my life now… I am divorced (finally and I think legally, although I have to get paperwork from that somewhere thanks to douchebag lawyer for never actually sending it), I own my car, I own my home, I am steadily lowering my debt, I have RRSPs, I have a steady job and I have a GOOD relationship (something that the relationship with theEx never was) with Reg.

I am finally taking time to do things that enrich my life. This is the second year that I am taking Irish Dance and the first year I am taking Tae Kwon Do. I am taking a class with my son, and hoping that as my daughter gets older we will be able to take a class together as well. I am trying to keep up with my blogging and my writing. I have been dabbling with art journaling. I have started constructing a personal space of sanctuary in my home.

I don’t want to be stuck in the world that was my frozen nowhere, telling myself the stories of a life that is no longer. I don’t want to live the rules that governed my marriage with theEx. I do not want to give in to the chaos that was the brief and horrible period of time with the Stalker. I want to step forth… I want to dance into the new part of my life, in a state of constant renewal instead of being dragged down by the “coulda been, shoulda been, woulda been”…

I have made a commitment to myself to seek out a new name, to metamorphose into something that describes not the state of being I am in now, but how I am growing and changing for my eternity. My intention is to get at least a new name by Samhain/Halloween… stepping from the detritus of one life into the next part, as befitting my lifestyle.

Just what to call it… that is the question.