Frozen Nowhere

Garage Clutter

Originally uploaded by mtsofan

Every monday I make sure to watch “Hoarders” on A&E. Every time I watch it I am reminded of the Stalker, because I firmly believe that he (and likely his ex girlfriend and most likely his son) was a horder, and every time I see something like that I know that I am happier without that in my life.

The last few years I have been bothered by clutter in my home. I don’t like the huge amount of things that are coming into my home, and I constantly worry about things becoming bad enough to turn…

Last night my relationship with R ended.

I knew it was coming, I had felt it and fought against it for months, hoping that something could miraculously change and I wouldn’t have to start again.

ALONE

It ended over IM. A sad state of affairs, but in a few key strokes it was over, by mutual agreement that things were NOT working, that too much was going on in our lives (for me– kids, divorce, ex, legal issues, child support fight, buying a house; for him—kids, cross border divorce, custody, child support fight, financial difficulties, depression) for us to see a future together.  He realized how bad it was, finally, only after I had given up on asking him to…

What I feel needs to be changed: I want to change my approach to Spirituality

What I realized was hurting me:

In the most basic sense of the word I have isolated myself from my spirituality, and I feel the keen loss and the “calling home” sense. I have to admit that it has been a LONG time since I was an active participant in my spiritual path…

I have never felt anything profound and glorious and sparkly from the “Status Quo” religions of my life –The traditional churches left me feeling… empty. At 17 I started reading everything I could find on Wicca and started putting things into practice on my own. I dedicated myself, found others…

Friends, Romans, Countrymen…
 
Okay, so I don’t know if I have anything profound to say today… but as that has never once stopped me from novelizing the minutia of my life, the fact that I have been relatively absent should likely twig anyone who knows me that something has been up.
 
So, What’s UP?

Because I have been doing the WILD GROWING THING lately, there are a lot of things going on:

• Work is busy and draining 
• post-workular activities
• drainage in the love department
• leaving the country
• meeting friends that I had previously only connected with via computer screen
• opening up for acceptance
• travelling

…

Paradigm: This is the Life I Envision
 
The thing I am realizing is this, if I am the person who has constructed my life the way it is right now, then I am the one who can change how I see things.
 
I am FREE to change the way I see things, I am free to interpret my life the way that I want.
 
This is something I have been fighting against for years. I have been too afraid to map my own life, too afraid of being “cast out” from the rest of the world…

And where has that gotten me?
 
For…