Frozen Nowhere

This couldn’t have come at a better time for me, since I have been thinking that a lot of my issues with connection have stemmed from an essential lack of confidence.

I wasn’t always this meek.

At least I don’t think I was.

I remember being told I was such a “fierce” girl, that I was going to do well in life… that I knew what I wanted and wasn’t going to let anyone else tell me that I couldn’t do that.

Who is that girl? Where did she go?

I wish for confidence in my SELF. I wish to know who I am, what I am meant to do. I wish for confidence in joining with other people. I…

Everything we do has an energetic component to it. We expend multiple lines of energy for each and every activity we do… but we rarely recognize more than the physical energetic exertion for any one task, or occasionally we’ll note the level of emotional energy we have expended.

But is that all there is to the Energetic Things?

Nope. Not by a long shot.

The fact that I NOTICE how physically draining an activity is does not negate the fact that the same activity might be spiritually filling. It might emotionally suck me dry or intellectually feed me… or BOTH, at once. Hell… one activity might have physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual energetic consequences at the same time

As each…

I am slowly plodding away at getting rid of things I don’t need.  A bunch of clothes from my closet and the kids’ closets were donated, a bunch of books were donated, a pile of things that I had found, broken, in the basement storage area were thrown away.

And yet I’m running into a great deal of resistance with other things.

Especially my MacBook

My MacBook seems like a trivial thing to hold onto… I have a new HP laptop that is faster, shinier and which has a hard drive that is almost 10x that of the MacBook. The MacBook takes 5 minutes to load up Word 2008, whereas the HP starts up Word 2010 in seconds. The MacBook…

It can be hard to see the energetic THINGS that we have in our lives.

We acquire more THINGS – both physical and energetic – when we are in a deficit space. The need to “fill” ourselves or to “fill” some need that we have causes us to seek out more. Some of the things we acquire fill the needs, and therefore enrich our lives.

But some of the THINGS are just an expression of the process of feeling a lack in our lives.

I know that I went through a process of gathering when I went through the process of divorce. I mostly gathered notebooks and pens and creative supplies. I tried to find an outlet for something that…

I am admitting to myself that trying to actively get rid of one thing from my house everyday has been kicking my ass.

It’s not that I am still not committed to it. It’s that it’s harder to get things done than I expected with the full time job and the full time kids, activities, and housework.

Consequently, things are sitting in my house waiting for a weekend that is slow enough for me to drag it all out to the Salvation Army. This weekend doesn’t look like it will be “the one”…

Part of my wanting to get rid of things in my home are about making more space – both physical and energetic – for the things in…