Frozen Nowhere

I have a confession to make:

I’m not doing well lately.

I have been trying to hide it, trying to put a happy face on, trying to ignore all the things that feel like they are falling down around me while I try to shore up everything at once, trying to believe that I can do this on my own without even the merest sense of friendship or support coming my way.

It’s not working for me (shock, awe, gasps of horror).

I mean, trying to do it all on my own has likely not been working for me for YEARS (and I say this honestly, I was doing it all on my own BEFORE I even considered leaving my

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I have to admit it… I’m in a slump lately.

Things just haven’t seemed… right… for a few weeks and I have been struggling, valiantly and not so valiantly in randomized patterns, to try and figure out what it IS that is “not right”…

Lack of Support is a huge slice of Unhappy Pie

It is certainly something that i have been aware of for months, if not years… always at the back of my mind, niggling and squiggling at my consciousness.

I don’t have a support network that I can fall back on in times of stress.

I was (and still am) a sensitive child. I wanted the safe, secure, loving relationship that I saw…

If I had been clear-headed, and not completely PANICKED about going to the meeting the next day I would have seen what he was trying to do with this series of things that he was doing to me… 
 
Which would simply be this: He was mad and frustrated that I no longer wanted to take his bullshit, that I was considering the comment and the made up “nasty” text messages about me, as childish and unacceptable ways to try and force me to call or talk to him and that I had blocked EVERY OTHER avenue to him having his say YET AGAIN and so he was going to out and out THREATEN me with the one thing he KNEW he could use to cause me to freak

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Oh yes, yes he DID…
 
The night before I was gearing up to deal with the whole legal and financial mess with STBX and our lawyers, our (not so) friendly (blog)neighborhood Stalker Boy was back at his stupid, juvenille tricks aimed directly at getting me worked up enough to respond to him.
 
Now, I have detailed the various things I have tried to get him lay off on me. I agree that I might not have been the most CLEAR in what I wanted from him… and I guess that might have been confusing for him. But at the same time, it really didn’t NEED to come to this.
 
If he had laid off when I asked him for space, back in

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