Slander and attempted blackmail
January17
If I had been clear-headed, and not completely PANICKED about going to the meeting the next day I would have seen what he was trying to do with this series of things that he was doing to me…
Which would simply be this: He was mad and frustrated that I no longer wanted to take his bullshit, that I was considering the comment and the made up “nasty” text messages about me, as childish and unacceptable ways to try and force me to call or talk to him and that I had blocked EVERY OTHER avenue to him having his say YET AGAIN and so he was going to out and out THREATEN me with the one thing he KNEW he could use to cause me to freak out with.
TATTLING to STBX about something…
And I did call him… yes, I did. I let him know that I knew that the comment on the blog were from him, I let him know that I found his current behaviour horribly inappropriate. I told him that I never EVER wanted to hear from him EVER again in any format, and that I did not consider there ANY possibility for us to EVER be friends now.
And I listened, in as much as I could in the 5 mins I gave him, to his babbling about how I never really gave him a chance and how I was rude and dismissive (oh, after telling him for a YEAR I didn’t want to discuss the “us” thing anymore) and I wasn’t a good friend. And he told me about how I really DID sell out… and how it was so VERY VERY painful for him to see me “give up on something I loved” (ummm… DUDE!! Wise up!!! You knew me for 2 years, or a little LESS than 2 years!! You did NOT know what I “loved”, you did not know me BEFORE STBX, you did not know what I was like “before” and therefore you are NOT an AUTHORITY on what I might have “loved” or “given up on”… and you certainly were not someone I would believe would know me BETTER THAN I KNEW MYSELF!!!!!!) while I was attempting to settle into my new life.
And therefore he felt he would be “right” in emailing or phoning my soon-to-be-Ex-husband to tattle about everything he knew about what had caused the end of my marriage. He thought that it would benefit me AND MY KIDS for him to tell my ex how I had “slept around” and met strange men through Cupid.com and went on dates (um… he did the SAME THING himself and so did STBX and I had left my marriage over a YEAR before that) and how I was not a good mother because I lacked empathy and I couldn’t listen and I was too hard on the kids (because I have a set schedule, whereas he doesn’t do that with his kid)…
And then I hung up and talked to Serin for an hour to calm down.
And I knew he would never give up, that he knew he could still call or text me, that he could still reach out and poke me into a reaction as long as he had a way to get a hold of me where I couldn’t have him arrested for trespassing (and he better believe that if he EVER comes to the house I will immediately call the police about it, because his behaviour up to now has had the effect of actually making me feel uncomfortable, threatened and afraid) he would do so. And I could try to block HIS number from calling and texting, but he would just go to the web site to send messages or call from another phone number or a payphone.
So I decided that the next day I would go down to the phone company and have my phone number changed.
And I did.
And this is what I have learned from this experience:
-
sometimes you have to walk away from people
-
you can’t always know what a person is like when you first meet them
-
don’t respond to things that are obviously MEANT to get a reaction, I wouldn’t respond to my children acting in attention seeking negative behaviours, I shouldn’t react to adults doing it
-
if a comment causes a reaction, it is best to try and sit back/evaluate why it causes that reaction. If there is a strong reaction and you can’t think clearly about it, get outside eyes to look at the situation with you
-
I have every RIGHT to feel threatened by the kinds of things I have had emailed, said, and texted to me in the last few months
-
I have every right to call the police, should Stalker think that he has the absolute RIGHT to drop by to have his say “once and for all”
-
once this kind of pattern starts up it won’t stop, so it is best to step away from the situation.
-
Stalker needs a dictionary, because he doesn’t know the definition of “slander” –
-
-
-
slander noun 1. words falsely spoken that damage the reputation of another 2. an abusive attack on a person’s character or good name [syn: aspersion] verb 1. charge falsely or with malicious intent; attack the good name and reputation of someone; -
so… can I slander someone, since I “alluded” to the fact that someone had been doing things that I considered “Stalker-like” behaviour? The answer is NO… the comments were made in GOOD FAITH, the fact that his behaviour is so far out of “acceptable” is not my fault, and it is not a FALSE allegation either…. NOT FALSE=NOT SLANDER!!!
-
-
-
-
-
I have the right to protect myself, my interests and my children from this person
-
I have the right to decide not to communicate with someone who cannot act like an adult
-
the behaviour has been, quite frankly, adolescent at BEST, and I do not need to deal with it.
-
Click here to download your copy of the Freak Manifesto
THE GIGGLE Mail around Group
