Frozen Nowhere

Starting over and learning to love MY life…

What I *CAN* do…

December9
I read a LOT of blogs…
 
Because, I do. A LOT of them. I think I’m subscribed to about 300 right now.
 
The highest percentage of blogs that I read would likely fall under the category of life coaching/creative living blogs.
 
Some of them give me great ideas that I can transfer to other areas of my life. Some give me ideas to start creating things myself, to journal or draw or doodle or write. And some give me HOPE that things aren’t so bad.
 
But there are sometimes when I read these things and I wonder if the whole purpose of the “Life Coach” industry isn’t to create MORE life coaches, rather than to really improve the lives of ordinary people?
 
Everyone seems to be selling SOMETHING

 

Some have their collected wisdom on ebook format to get out there, some have downloads of music, some are offering e-courses, some have physical products to buy, some will allow you to contact them, some have membership sites… but it seems that so many people have something of value to offer the rest of the world.
 
I’m afraid that I don’t.
 
Sorry.
 
I’m finding, more and more, that I am here for a different reason.
 
I’m not here to sell, I’m here to connect.
 
But connecting to people without having something to offer them seems SO fraking hard lately. What I have to offer is so DIFFERENT from others that its practically invisible to the wider audience that I want to connect WITH (mainly other positive, creative, wildly aware of the world types that I find through the life coaching/creative and communicative blogs I frequent).
 
And it occurs to me that maybe, just maybe, I don’t NEED to sell something to have something WORTHY enough to offer others. Maybe I can grow into my own and earn respect through the things that I have to offer people who might take a chance and read my blogs.
 
If I am a professional ANYTHING it would be a professional INSTIGATOR
 
I’m available to be open to new people, new suggestions and new ways of doing things. I am the consummate Instigator — What I excel at, more than anything else, is the ability to get other people fired up about something new, to encourage people to check out new things and open others up to new products AND suppliers.
 
This hasn’t translated very well to the world of blogging, I’m sad to say.
 
While in real life I have dragged my friends through various projects and interests… enthusiastically building them up to start something that I thought was fan-freaking-tastic, then abandoning them to carry on that while I found the next wonderful idea to pass on to them.
 
I am a fantastic person to find niches for people, to help people find new things that will enrich their lives, and to promote ideas and projects that broaden the horizons of those around me.  I love exploring new things, adopting new ideas, and meeting new people… I like being a sounding board for improving ideas, for getting groups together…
 
I’m good at finding FIT for other people…
 
Just not so much for finding a FIT for me in the places I have been wandering.
 
It’s no secret that I’m the kind of person who adopts early and yearns to learn more before they can jump that far. Everyone who knows me knows how frustrated I get when I really get interested in something, but I can’t progress as fast as I want because the information isn’t there or I don’t have access to things that I need to get to the place I want, or I don’t have the people I need to help me to get the pieces that I need to put together a project.
 
I am the kind of person who can passionately BELIEVE in something, but I’m not yet the person who can afford to shell out a tonne of money (especially in non-Canadian funds) to get into the gated communities of the online world, or to take every e-course. I can scrimp and save to do these things and I can get there SLOWLY, but because I can’t jump, because I don’t have the support behind me that some others have, I have yet to find a way to get the point across to the biggified people, the people I look up to, that I am down  here, that my voice CAN carry, that my ideas DO matter… that I CAN help too..
 
I am wildly creative and flamboyantly enthusiastic reader… the kind of person that anyone should be glad to have on their team, supporting their ideas.
 
How can I leverage infectious enthusiasm for new ideas into something REMARKABLE!?
 
Because, it is the REMARKABLE people who get noticed by people. And after you are noticed, that’s when people want to know about you and what you think. That’s when you can find the people who will “get” you… that’s when I can help those who I believe in… That is the moment I am looking for, that moment of CONNECTION, when I have found the people who get what I am talking about, who are supportive of what I am doing, and who can see me as more than “just another nonsense blog” and see me as someone of value to the wider community.
 
I’m still finding my way in the world… but that doesn’t mean that my voice isn’t one of value. I’m reaching out, I’m stretching… I’m looking for connections and support and community even though I’m not able get into the gated communities (yet).
 
I will find someone willing to mentor with me, willing to take a chance that I have something of value in me beyond what I have in my bank account.
 
I may not have something to “sell”, I may not have recognized expertise, but I know that I am good at reviewing and connecting and supporting those I believe in.
 
I believe in the power of the stories that we have to tell, that no matter if we are willing to go into business for ourselves (and right now I am not) or we are out here just to tell the stories of our lives and connect to like minded people, we all have VALUE.
 
So why am I thinking about this now?

Partly it was brought upon me by the feeling of frustration I have right now.
 
I’m a single mom, and because i am single I have no other adult in my house to support me. And because I am a parent, I am not only responsible for myself. I find myself in a situation where, if I fail I don’t only take myself down, I risk losing my children (if I can’t support them I lose them). And so, unlike a lot of people who have been able to make the leap to being online entrepreneurs.
 
I’m jealous.
 
I would love to have the kind of idea that could be shared with others in that way, and be enough to not have to work full time away from my kids… but that’s not my reality yet.
 
I would love to have the resources to even know enough people to ASK for emotional support for the ideas I have.
 
I am frustrated because I WANT to reach out to these people… but I feel so small and unremarkable and insignificant without my own business or BIG IDEA behind me (yes, I know that’s silly too)
 
I want to HELP the few people out there who HAVE been kind enough to talk to someone like me, someone starting out who is in a tougher place, who is reaching out. I want to be able to be someone who can become the kind of person I am looking up to and be able to reach out to people who might be in a harder position than myself and give them a hand up too. And I can’t figure out how to get there from here.
 
I got an email yesterday from Pace and Kyeli regarding interviews and guest posts that they are scheduling right now to promote their upcoming 52 Weeks of Awesome.
 
And I really REALLY wished that I could have said, “Hell yeah, I want to interview you, I would LOVE you to do a guest post on my blog, promote away”.
 
But I couldn’t.
 
I’m not big enough and I didn’t want to waste their time on a no-name blog with no readers.
 
For a moment I was embarrassed of all that I have achieved here, because it doesn’t seem like ENOUGH when I can’t help anyone else. And for a few minutes I worried that I wasn’t gonna get “there”… wherever there was.
 
And I realized, right now I am only able to be a FOLLOWER… and that that has to be good enough. I’m not ready to sell things… I don’t even know what I’d SELL…
 
But I know I make a damn good and LOYAL believer. I make a wonderful follower… and if I can I will promote the HELL outta the things I believe in…
 
Community WILL come… because I want it
 
posted under My Life | 5 Comments »

Holy Epiphany Mama!

June26
(I am still fairly annoyed that, for some reason or other, I am unable to upload posts from work to my bloggity blog place… I blame it on some special hidden bit of WordPress that I am not aware of. No matter what it is, I cannot update directly from my work computer to my blog and so I find that sometimes I forget to update the blog… oops, my bad)
Okay… so I have done something for myself, part of self-care, that I have been struggling with on my own for a long time.
I signed up for an e-course! Specifically, the Making Space for your Goddess to Shine ecourse.
When I did this I got a lot of “feedback” from people in my life asking WHY I thought I needed to spend money to just go through my house and toss out crap I didn’t need anymore? The questions and comments ranged from the simple head patting type (“okay, you *think* you need help with things, if you really say so”) to the disparaging (“Why would you spend your good money on something that you should be able to do by yourself? What is this really going to show you that you don’t already know?)… and yet I still did it.
What can I say, I’m stubborn that way.
Because, despite knowing that I am absolutely ENTITLED to throw things away (or give them away or sell them or just get them out of my home in some manner) I have been resistant to doing it.
I have stuff. Mounds of stuff. Piles of Stuff. Massive mountains of stuff.
And the net effect of it is a sense of dreading overwhelm…
Which results in the internal dialog that goes like this:
“OMG, I have too much stuff, I feel stifled and closed in”
“Then get rid of it”
“But OMG, where do I start?”
And (because I am me) the most logical place to start is not anywhere PHYSICAL. Nope, in order to make any sort of change type thing I need to UNDERSTAND what is making me feel the feels I feel…
Which is why I needed the guidance of something like this… because I suspect that the sense of creeping anxiety and discomfort in my home is less about the STUFF in it and more about something deeper that I am not allowing myself to notice…
And beause I needed to stop THINKING about spirituality and start DOING it (and by doing it I mean “build an altar”, which is something I seriously put off for a year…) and so a course that not only would help me discover something about myself, declutter my apartment AND give me a gentle push to set up an altar? Well… that’s gotta be worth a small hit to the credit card! (dont’ worry, I’ve already paid that off!!)
And so I paid…
And week one started and I dutifully downloaded and printed out the materials for week one…
Then was overwhelmed by the creeping anxiety and ran away
Literally… I freaked out and stayed out of my home for most of the week. I mean, I read over things, I did a bit of thinking about it… then I fled my home for everything but supper and sleeping. I shopped, I walked, I went of of town to stay with Reg and his daughters (Thursday through Sunday nights)…
I felt… alone.
So THIS week (which SHOULD be week 2) I decided to start week 1 over again and work them in combination. I had started to identify THINGS and categories for things… and I had planned out and started building my altar, I went through the sheets again and wrote down things as they occurred to me… and I checked in on Twitter to see if there were any other people taking the course along with me, out there… somewhere…
(You see, I also had a really hard time actually reaching out for support from the leaders of the course, but that’s another blog post… probably the previous one, actually).
And through this process I got support from @zenatplay and @kyeli (of Pace and Kyeli and The Freak Revolution (of whic I am also a very VERY quiet member)). I have to admit that once I didn’t feel ALONE in the process, I started to feel a little bit better about the idea of being in the process.
And I started to actually THINK about what was going on and my history and the creeping anxiety…
And it hit me…
I haven’t EVER spent the time to think about what I needed from my home!! That was the KEY to this whole feeling of unease in my space.
2 years ago (June 24) I finally made the move to leave my marriage after almost 10 years.
Since then I have not felt completely comfortable in my own space or by myself.
I have viewed my home as just a shelter, a temporary space.
When I moved into my home I had almost nothing.
The only thing I had to take comfort in was my computer. And I retreated online to find solace in my feeling of creeping anxiety at being alone in a space that hadn’t felt like mine. I started retreating when my marriage started to falter, when I stopped feeling safe and comfortable within the home of my husband… and it was the only place I felt safe with now…
The space was huge and empty and I felt hollow and alone… a small scrunched up soul in a huge vast emptiness trying to define myself. The comforts I had from a “home” were gone, I had none left.
TheEx dumped things that he didn’t want onto me. These were not things that I felt a particular connection with, but I felt I should take them for the very reason that I had NOTHING.
The space and emptiness, after having spent so many years collecting meaningful and beautiful things, hurt a lot. I felt LOST. I felt ALONE. I felt SCARED.
I felt HOME-less.
Because I was.
I had a space to live, I had shelter. I didn’t have a HOME.
I bought THINGS. Things that filled the space in my apartment. I bought things to fill my time. I bought CLUTTER… ho-hum items that didn’t do anything for me in any capacity. And why? Because the loss of so much loved history was hurting me.
This I realized last night:
The stuff I am holding, the stuff that is overwhelming me, has been filling space because I have felt ANXIOUS about the losses I have suffered, because I have felt uncomfortable facing who I am and what I want. BECAUSE I have not addressed MY needs and because I have not allowed myself the permission to make the space into what *I* need rather than just a place to hold stuff…
The stuff can’t replace my needs for love and acceptance. It can’t repair my broken family. It can’t create love.
But I can. I can make a place to flourish. To learn to be accepted for who I am, to accept the love that is all around me, to accept who I have become and the changes I have gone through unfurling after my marriage.
It’s not about getting rid of stuff… not really. Its about helping the soul flourish — finding the stuff that helps and reutilizing or removing the stuff that gets in the way or holds the soul back…
posted under My Life, Spirit | 2 Comments »

Whatcha gonna do about it, Girly?

June16
Now, I am well aware that I am aware that I need to make changes in my life. I am also aware that I have been both avoiding doing the things that I KNOW that I should do to make changes, and worrying about the impact of changing my routine…

If you know me personally you know that I have been going back and forth, mentally pacing about WANTING to change and having the ideas of how I can start to change, and then FREAKING OUT because in order to make the changes I would have to commit to DOING something…

So I go from the THOUGHT (east) of what I want to change, I build in the DESIRE (south) to change things in my life, I start feeling EMOTIONAL (west) about how much I need to make these changes…

And then I get stuck there… I get caught up in the constant emotional feedback loop  — I want to do this, I have to do this… but I can’t do this, I don’t know how to do this, how can I start doing this right now, where do I start… but I have to change this, I have to do this… but… — and I never make the final leap to the completion of my circle… I have so far not been able to make the move to DO (north) the things that I know I need to do.

I’m having manifest problems. Obviously my sticking point is in the mud… somewhere between the water of the west (emotions) and the eart of the north (physical/doing) I get bogged down.
At least I REALIZE this, right?

Right?

Okay… so realizing things doesn’t really HELP get things done, in fact we’ve already established that I have no problem with facing the things going on in my mental processes (the East, ironically enough). I have no end of ability to conceptualize what I want changed, I can come up with ideas and thoughts and visualizations about solutions or outcomes… but I can’t get the kick in the ass to do the WORK that I need to do to “break ground”…

Its a blockage, something I stumble over. And in stumbling, I end up sitting in the grass ruminating over the fall rather than dealing with the  WHY of the stopping, I go back to thinking about something ELSE rather than making the move FORWARD to make my goals a reality. Instead of inspecting the thing getting in my way, I start thinking about other things, avoiding acknowledging that there is a THING (whether this is a physical, spiritual, emotional, or mental THING) getting in my way.

And so I have fallen into a pattern of become the thought provoker, the instigator, the idea girl… I get the ideas and then I find someone ELSE to pump up about them and send them on their way… never really completing anything myself.

And it HURTS.

But the “othersiders” (people who are on the otherside of my consciousness, aka not ME (laugh)) seem to think of these issues, these “stucknesses” as non-important and tend to brush them aside in my struggle to find myself and grow in myself. The advice I get focuses mainly on forcing the doing without getting down and looking at what the stumbling block really IS…

“Just write every day for X amount of minutes and after a while you’ll get used to it” — well, I might get used to it, but I doubt that the stuckness troll that lives under that particular bridge will just “go away”. I might be able to generate text, but in my experience the actual FEELING of forced/timed writing just to write makes me feel almost SICK. Trying to force a habit of writing doesn’t get my voice out, it doesn’t RELIEVE pressure, it creates a feeling of punishment that becomes associated with the process. It is the same thing with drawing and knitting and any other thing I resist.

Most of the advice is just the same as if I said I was afraid of bees (which, I am not, btw…):
  • You’re just being silly, there isn’t anything to be afraid of
  • It can’t hurt you
  • Its more afraid of you than you are of it
  • It doesn’t even register you as a threat
  • You’re anthromorphizing this
  • Stand still and it won’t notice you
  • Its a good thing, you shouldn’t be afraid of it, a bee(creativity) is a good thing for the world (and then all the reasons bees are good for everything)
  • stop screaming!
I’m not sure you get the point, but there it is anyway.

So… without droning (snicker) on endlessly about the stuckness, I have decided that I need to find OTHER ways, other than forcing myself to start dreading the things that I am longing to do… and thus ensuring that I STOP not only doing these things but AVOID doing them at all costs.
Which is, to change my perspective.

I intend to find out what I am stumbling over here, taking a look at the things in my environment that detract from what I want to do… taking a look at the way my enviroment, my diet, my level of exercise, my social activities, and my spirituality are all working or not working. I think there is something THERE.

So… for the next 6 weeks I am working on getting my environment in order (or at least HOPEFULLY getting it in order) and getting rid of things that I no longer need or want or serve any purpose other than to make me feel bad about things…

And so I started out on the Making Space for your Goddess To Shine Online course…

And I’ll try to keep up with how this is changing me and things and if it is helping me do anything in my life…
posted under My Life, Spirit | No Comments »

Finding the words

May28
If you knew me in “real life” you might find it weird that I keep a blog… or not…
 
I have a strained relationship with words and writing. Its almost as my ability for hands-on creativity has a restraining order against me, I must stay at least 100 cm away from anything remotely creative and only admire from a distance.
 
Yet I have a blog, and I occasionally write here. I have also kept an online “diary” relatively successfully for about 10 years on Open Diary. Not as a daily practice, but at least a few posts a month… So there is proof that I *CAN* write…
 
Just not the way I want to… not the places I want to or the subjects or genres or using the materials i would like to use.
 
I experience an almost paralyzing anxiety… its very odd and very complicated.
 
From age 5 until I was about 13 I was a compulsive writer/colourer/drawer… if I could get a hold of a piece of paper and some form of writing implement I was all over it. GirlChild is EXACTLY the same way. I filled pads of paper, lined notebooks, memo books, and even rolls of register paper (you know, from cash registers or adding machines? yeah) with every imaginable thing — I practiced printing and handwriting, drew pictures, devised codes, tracked every imaginable quantitative event, wrote fiction, poetry, and plays… you name it I probably scribbled it on something somewhere.
 
By age 13 I had started to compulsively carry spiral bound notebooks around with me everywhere I went. I had a book for ideas and a book for stories and a book for poems and a book for the novel I was writing. And at home, where no one could find it, I started a diary.
 
Eventually I stopped having separate books for different things and just had one book for everything writing and drawing related that I carried, along with assorted pens, pencils and colouring devices which I used during the day, and my diaries, kept in my room where they couldn’t be discovered.
 
This continued until I was 18. I FILLED numerous books with scribblings and ideas and words and drawings. I filled BOOKS with journaling. I thought nothing of the fact that I wrote compulsively… that I expressed my thoughts and feelings in words. I thought it was NORMAL for me to pound out 20 single-space, double sided sheets of binder paper a day on a novel, play or poetry.
 
Until the day it all stopped.
 
I can’t point to any ONE thing that caused the shift in my thinking, and its likely that it was not just one thing but a combination of things that caused the rift between myself and my creative side:
  • I started dating a boy (I will not say man, because he wasn’t a man in any sense of the word) which quite quickly became both very serious and VERY dangerous
  • I started university and with that came an attitude change from “being creative” to “being studious”
  • I had less free time — between full time studies and having to be mindful of my boyfriend full time
 
I changed from a girl who was creative and care-free to a woman who was anxious and always having to be mindful of various factors of her environment. I had a boyfriend who was very emotionally needy and unstable (he was later diagnosed as bipolar, but at that time he didn’t know it) and demanded a lot from me — I was given rule after rule after rule for my life… and the amazing thing is that I never QUESTIONED these rules or regulations at all (and I dated him for 3 years!!)…
 
I suspect (but have no direct proof) that my boyfriend at that time was reading my notebooks and journals during our relationship. While I can’t remember specifics of conversations a lot of the time, I do remember that I started to self-edit my journals… resorting to creating a sort of coded language to write anything I suspected I would get into trouble for. After a while I felt so nervous about what I was writing or doodling in my diaries and journals that I was hiding not only my diaries but ALL my books and markers and pencils and paints… 
I know there were “rules” put forth, I know there were restrictions. I can’t remember what or why… but they got internalized — the fear of having things read, of being caught writing or doodling or journalling got worse and worse. 
The specific rules have faded to the point that I am not sure what the rules really ARE. Instead I am left with the lingering feeling of unease when picking up a pen to write in a book. 
“Unease” is such a wimpy word for how I feel… The feeling is emotional and physical at the same time, a deep, creeping sense like itching inside my chest, inability to breathe, and pounding heartbeat. Emotionally I feel anxious — fight or flight type of panic overwhelms me. Mentally I feel that I am doign something “wrong” or against some rule, I feel sitting and writing is “lazy” like I should be doing something else (anything else!!) like cleaning the house or baking or attempting to knit (and when I attempt to knit I feel I should be trying to scrapbook…etc). I have it in the back of my mind things like:
  • “this is a waste of time”
  • “look at how messy the handwriting is”
 
And recently whenever I start to write (or knit or scrapbook or do anything creative) I feel the muscles in my hands and arms (particularly my right hand and wrist, which is the hand I use to WRITE with (although I don’t have the same issue when I type, and I do a lot MORE of that and i SHOULD be getting carpal tunnel about… oh… NOW…)) to the point that sometimes holding a pen is painful…
 
I think I am “stuck”… I don’t know how to unclog this drain… 
 
The problem is that I have a lot of ideas and words and things inside of me, and no way to express them “safely” (yet). When I sit to think about it, when I go to DO something to relieve the pressure in my heart I get the pain in my hands. Its an information bottleneck… and I’m not sure where to go from HERE…
 
I know THESE things to be true:
  1. I love to use words.
  2. I love to write
  3. I want to express myself
  4. I have something to say
  5. I want to share this aspect of myself with my children
  6. this will allow me to heal from the emotional and spiritual aspects of the abusive relationships that I rose above*
  7. Once I am able to start exploring my creative side I will be better able to open up SPIRITUALLY
 
 
 
______________________________________________________
* I have decided I am not going to fall into feeling like I was a “victim” of abuse. I was abused, it is a statement of something that I allowed into my life for a brief period and which I choose to walk away from. While there have been lasting effects, I can rise above and relearn to become myself… This is MY paradigm shift, I do not expect anyone else to utilize it…
 
 
posted under My Life, Spirit | No Comments »

Still too cold

March11
 
That is EXACTLY how I have been feeling this past winter. Stiff upper lip be damned, its been too cold for TOO long and I am tired of it.
 
I am tired of
  • being indoors 
  • shivering
  • gasping for breath
  • sinus headaches
  • scraping car windows
  • starting my car several times a day so I can be assured that it will GO when I am done work
  • having to practically SIT on my space heater
  • no fresh air that doesn’t HURT
  • snow
  • cold
  • WIND CHILLS
  • being chilled
 
Winter here is bad enough normally, but when the winter never abates it just becomes too much to bear. I am feeling cranky and weepy and just out of sorts.
 
Not to mention that LAST week Mother Nature dangled the “spring” carrot in front of us by granting us a few short days of almost seasonal weather. 
 
Only to have the promise of the first NICE weekend in MONTHS (where the kids could maybe get OUTSIDE for a bit without turning into ice sculptures) cruelly ripped away by a non-forecasted blizzard on Thursday.
 
Dammit.
 
I am not one to really get SAD symptoms. Generally I make use of what little sunlight we get (Hell, we get a lot of SUNLIGHT its just that we don’t get any of the WARMTH) during the winters and hunker down and wait for the pain that heralds the snow-mold season… AKA spring in Saskatchewan
 
But this winter I have been having a really hard time dealing with the unseasonable and UNENDING cold weather and grey days.
 
The weeks alone haven’t been helping.
Having RGG in my life has been some consolation… being able to call him or IM him or text him or even go out to his house for the night once in a while has been what has been keeping me going all winter, but even that is starting to lose its effect on my mood.
 
No… its not that I’m less twitterpated with him… its just that the longer the winter goes on with the uncommonly FREEZING ASS COLD below -25c temperatures the less ANYTHING seems to be able to make me feel any better about things…
 
My ass is seriously DRAGGING here… I am so uninterested in everything in my life (betcha can’t tell with all the writing I’m doing) that I have been trying what I consider EXTREME measures to get my ‘mojo’ back…
 
Getting satellite tv.
 
Yeah, I ordered my satellite tv package from Starchoice (a Shaw TV company (laugh)) last night, and have been assured by the lovely email post that I received back that they will be contacting me within 48 hours (or 48 BUSINESS hours… which is like a week) to schedule a time for them to come and set up my system.
 
Sadly, I’m really looking forward to having tv.
 
And I’m looking forward to having something for the kids to watch that ISN’T TreeHouse…
 
Seriously… what is “In the Night Garden“? That show gives me nightmares!!
 
The kids laugh… but its true… Teletubbies were bad… Boobah was worse… Night Garden is some sort of drug induced kid crack!
 
((SHUDDER))
 
Anyway… I also ordered the Movies package with the system… so I can watch HBO shows and movies… RGG has gotten me addicted to Entourage (although I have only seen the first 3 seasons and about 1/3rd of the 4th season, and the 5th season isn’t out on DVD until June… sad that i know that, isn’t it??)… and before I moved into my own place I was addicted to BIG Love (although I will have to buy or rent the first few seasons to figure out what is going on)…
 
RGG is disappointed that I didn’t get any extra sports channels, preferring my own favourites (which he doesn’t subscribe to) such as A&E, TLC, Food Network, and H&G Tv….oh well… i know that I will still have enough sports to keep the boy occupied…
 
I do have the Wii after all… gives the boy something to do when he’s not interested in what I’m doing (or I’m out scrapbooking or something)…
 
Boys + Video Games = LOVE
 
My plan is to spend more time at home doing my creative stuff in the living room (although ALL my creative stuff is now shoved into my bedroom) and less time annoying the hell out of people online…
 
More Creativity + Less going out = Happier Pam
 
Now if I could only incorporate a graph here my entry would be complete :)
posted under My Life | No Comments »
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This is the blog of a 30-something woman. I am a single mother of 2 children (7 year old son, 5 year old daughter). I am a Solitary Wiccan. I am walking a Pagan Path. I am separated and going through a divorce. I am a geek girl. I am a nature’s child. I am a seeker. I am a talker. I am sometimes jubilant, sometimes creative, sometimes anxious, sometimes bitter… I run the gamut of emotions as I go through walking not only my Pagan Path but my everyday daily LIFE Path. 

My interests include creativity, art, crafts, magick, nature, spirituality, writing, collecting blank books, pens and office supplies, technology, myths, massive multi-user online role playing games (WOW, Second Life), kids, colours… hell… I might write on ANYTHING that strikes my fancy.


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2010 Goddess Workbook!
Goddess Leonie's Guide to 2010 Goodness!!

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March 2010
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