Frozen Nowhere

(I am still fairly annoyed that, for some reason or other, I am unable to upload posts from work to my bloggity blog place… I blame it on some special hidden bit of WordPress that I am not aware of. No matter what it is, I cannot update directly from my work computer to my blog and so I find that sometimes I forget to update the blog… oops, my bad)
Okay… so I have done something for myself, part of self-care, that I have been struggling with on my own for a long time.
I signed up for an e-course! Specifically, the Making Space for your Goddess

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Now, I am well aware that I am aware that I need to make changes in my life. I am also aware that I have been both avoiding doing the things that I KNOW that I should do to make changes, and worrying about the impact of changing my routine…

If you know me personally you know that I have been going back and forth, mentally pacing about WANTING to change and having the ideas of how I can start to change, and then FREAKING OUT because in order to make the changes I would have to commit to DOING something…

So I go from the THOUGHT (east) of what I want to change, I build in the DESIRE

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If you knew me in “real life” you might find it weird that I keep a blog… or not…
 
I have a strained relationship with words and writing. Its almost as my ability for hands-on creativity has a restraining order against me, I must stay at least 100 cm away from anything remotely creative and only admire from a distance.
 
Yet I have a blog, and I occasionally write here. I have also kept an online “diary” relatively successfully for about 10 years on Open Diary. Not as a daily practice, but at least a few posts a month… So there is proof that I *CAN* write…
 
Just not the way I want to… not the

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 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PpxqmCp4tc 

 
That is EXACTLY how I have been feeling this past winter. Stiff upper lip be damned, its been too cold for TOO long and I am tired of it.
 
I am tired of

• being indoors 
• shivering
• gasping for breath
• sinus headaches
• scraping car windows
• starting my car several times a day so I can be assured that it will GO when I am done work
• having to practically SIT on my space heater
• no fresh air that doesn’t HURT
• snow
• cold
• WIND CHILLS
• being chilled

 
Winter here is bad enough normally, but

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Time to get creative!!
So I have been feeling a little too blue lately, a little lonely and a little upset over the final descent of my life from a married woman to a 35-year-old, single, divorced, mother of 2 with no prospects for the future (laugh)…
 
And I feel badly about that, because that is not who I want to become — as much as that is also an apt description of who and what I am, I am also:

• beautiful
• sexy
• vivacious
• lively
• intelligent
• educated
• well read

so I am determined not to worry about what the future will hold in

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