Frozen Nowhere

Much of my life makes me lonely …
I live (primarily) alone with cats. I have my kids only 2 weeks out of a month, and because my schedule is divided like this it makes it harder to take classes or join groups that require concrete commitments. I want to go out and DO things, but when I have my kids I also want to spend my evenings with THEM, not send them to a babysitter, not after they have been at a babysitter most of the afternoon.
 
I am conflicted.
 
I want to go out and join in things, but I don’t want to give up TOO much of my children’s time… and I don’t want to

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Today in the life of me…
 
I hate days like this, where i feel like I am under water, dreaming and waiting for my real life to BEGIN. In so many ways it doesn’t feel like my life has started, or more specifically, that I am on hold in my life and just waiting for the ability to move forward.
 
Two weeks ago my LawyerBird finally got back to me regarding his bill. I have to mention, here, that he was SUPPOSED to forward me a copy of said bill at the end of MAY… and today is the ending of August, 3 months PAST the time he promised to…

Names, Names, Everywhere Names
 
I have several names… but then again doesn’t everyone?
I have the names that I am known by online via email accounts or social networking connections such as Twitter and IM/chat programs. I have nicknames and pet names and titles…
I have my “Christian” name — you know, my given names — which happen to be Pamela (Pam).
I have my maiden name, which I was volun-told to change when I married (theEx didn’t think his family could “accept” that his wife might want to keep her own name after marriage, and his family was always his first and foremost concern in all decisions)… which is still on record with a…

I am a cusp person.

Astrologically I am considered an Aries/Taurus cusp, being that my birthday is on the day when it switches over from Aries to Taurus. I have been told that I am definitivly an Aries, based on the time and date of my birth… but I still tend to have quite a few Taurean traits as well.

Personality wise, I cusp between introvert and extrovert. No matter how many times I take the MBTI test I cannot get a consistent reading of introversion/extroversion. And for that matter, I can’t make up my OWN mind, which causes me a lot of weird feelings when I’m with groups of people.

You see… I LIKE being involved. I thrive on…

I am an avid blog reader, even when I don’t seem to be able to put words together for my own blog… and a few days ago I came across this post on one of my favourite blogs The Freak Revolution regarding how sometimes it hits the author that she has changed.
 
I have been struggling with the idea of change. 
 
 I have been struggling with a lot of things lately:

• divorce process that is held up by theEx’s refusal to comply with court orders
• not having full communication with my lawyer because of fear of legal costs spiraling out of control
• financial stresses
• feeling ignored

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