Frozen Nowhere

 What I feel needs to be changed: I want to live a more conscious life

What I realized was hurting me

Having spent the holiday/fallow season (Samhain to Yule, for those non-Pagans) in a lot of conscious thought about my life, as it was, and what I wanted to go forward… I have realized a LOT about the patterns that I fall into in my life. And the biggest pattern, by far, is not OWNING my own journey in this life.

I have been a passenger in my life!

And that CAN’T be good.

What I mean by this is this – I avoided making my own decisions many times. Why? That’s really the question here. Sometimes I…

I Want to change my RELATIONSHIPS for the better

What I realized was hurting me:

The last 10 years have been, essentially, LONELY. If I were to pick a theme/word for the last decade of my life, it would be “Loneliness”. And while I understand that life changes, and people fade out of your life, feeling isolated and alone HURTS.

I lost touch with my friends because I got myself wrapped up in my relationship with theEx. Some of it was normal “just falling in love and starting a life together” stuff that people go through with new relationships. Some of it was due to intense disapproval of my friends (and family) by theEx – and to avoid the constant…

What I feel needs to be changed: I need to change how I spend MONEY
 
What I realized was hurting me

Numbers are a difficult thing for me. I know this. This is not a surpise, not by a long shot. My whole life I have had difficulty surrounding numbers, and I have created work arounds to make it easier for me to do arithmatic. It’s not IMPOSSIBLE, obviously if I had no possible way of dealing with numbers I would NOT have 2 degrees, both of which required statistics and calculus to get through.
But hard, nonetheless.
 
It’s  hard to

…

2007 was a year of FREEDOM — freedom from abuse, freedom from my husband, freedom from a toxic work environment, and freedom from former expectations of who I was.

2008 was a year of HEALING — healing from the abuse, healing from financial turmoil, healing from fear, healing anxiety, and healing my soul.

2009 has been a year of GROWTH — growing more financially stable, moving towards goals, growing as a family of 3 instead of 4(as with x) or 5 (when we lived with my parents), growing more comfortable with who I am now, and moving upwards and onwards

This year has been about change and movement forward. It has been about getting back out there, getting back writing,…

Christmas with my family was… well… the same as always and best left undiscussed.

This year has been… interesting to say the least… but that’s  another post for another day.

One goal I had set for myself a few years ago was to clean up my financial situation — get out of debt and get a home of my own rather than stay living in rental places forever. It always seemed like one step forward and two steps back — I would get one thing under control and then I would slip in another area…

It often seemed that no matter what I tried, I couldn’t figure it all out. I had family pressuring me to do things and theEx…