Frozen Nowhere

I have to admit it… I’m in a slump lately.

Things just haven’t seemed… right… for a few weeks and I have been struggling, valiantly and not so valiantly in randomized patterns, to try and figure out what it IS that is “not right”…

Lack of Support is a huge slice of Unhappy Pie

It is certainly something that i have been aware of for months, if not years… always at the back of my mind, niggling and squiggling at my consciousness.

I don’t have a support network that I can fall back on in times of stress.

I was (and still am) a sensitive child. I wanted the safe, secure, loving relationship that I saw…

Another Time Away…

Every time I attempt to get into a routine it seems that my life gets in the way.

I am thinking that most of it is the summer and the uncertainty and lack of routine that goes on for everyone in the summer time… 
That being said… this past weekend I took the opportunity to get away with Reg for a child free period of time. 
It has been THREE months since we had a date night, and that night I invited my friend C to hang out with us since I thought she was going to move away in the summer. 
I have to confess… I was starting to doubt…

Right now I am feeling the “its not you, its me” thing.
 
Its not that I don’t like RGG, hell… I love the boy. And I mean the weird mooshy-gooshy romantic sort of love, not the “you’re my friend and I love you, man” sorta love.
 
But I find myself a bit… scared right now.
 
You see… I want to spend time with him. A lot of time. Hell… I would like to go to bed with him every night, and wake up with him every morning. I would like to cook for him and clean up after him. I would like to fight with him and make up with him…
 
I am, quite frankly, twitterpated.

…

I am feeling much less… annoyed at my lawyer and STBX. I mean, the divorce will be dragged on as long as the legal system can possibly do it, and I accept that. I am not looking to remarry anytime soon, if ever (although once I am divorced, who knows how I will feel about it? There are definately aspects of marriage that are valuable and right, even if my marriage was not loving, supportive, or cooperative in the least. I realize, now, that there is a value to a sustained, legally recognized family unit… but the divorce process is a BITCH and I will be more cautious about getting married because getting divorced is insanely difficult)… but I…