This is where I put the disclaimer: If you will be hurt dealing with my HONEST to goodness TRUE feelings, see the disclaimer. If you know me in real life, and will feel that this should be fodder for a lengthy conversation, please either stop reading now and find something more interesting to do, or read at your own risk.

Well… I have been a bad blogger and a bad podcaster lately. I have intended to write, and intended to record the podcast… and yet I haven’t done it. 

And why not?

Well… there have been a number of issues:

1.  the last time I went to record a podcast my landlords, who at that time lived in the suite above me, had decided to refinish the floors, which meant scraping and pounding on the floor above my living room and bedroom ALL night every night. 
2. That lasted about a week, then I had the kids, which meant less time at night to do it (but I could have if I could have stayed awake long enough to do so)
3. The next week I was just overwhelmed, I had gone to a training that changed my life, and I really needed time to process how that had changed me, and my life (more on this later)… and I had also managed to lose my voice for 3 days
4. Got the kids back, and had to deal with a week of illness. First BoyChild woke up monday morning and threw up all over his bedroom floor. So we stayed home. Then MY stomach issues started (last wednesday (Oct 1)… culminating in me waking in INTENSE pain Saturday morning and laying on the couch watching movies with the kids all day. THEN GirlChild woke up on Sunday morning (3am) and threw up all over her room, the hallway and the bathroom. 
5. Even though I should have been better by monday, I have had ongoing stomach issues that i can’t explain. Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I woke up at 3am with INTENSE feelings of pain that felt like gas, cramps and bloating which kept me in the bathroom and guzzling boiled ginger tea. I even came home early on Friday because the exhaustion was getting to me… and had ANOTHER attack after that. I seriously do not know what is causing this issue… which has meant that I have cut back my diet to the BRAT diet — Banana, Rice, Apple, Tea/Toast. I have cut out coffee, I have cut out almost EVERYTHING and I hope that whatever is causing this can be pinpointed and controlled. I have a few theories:
   • there was a Listeria outbreak in Canada a few weeks ago, and before and during that time I ate some of the meat from that company, not being able to be sure what had come from what company (since all the companies seemed to have been merged and have different names it is and was very hard to know what meat came from where). So there is a chance, given that it has a 6 week incubation period, that it could be Listeria… which I hear is treatable
   • it could be a new food sensitivity — I have cut out caffiene, wheats, oils, milk, and most veggies and proteins —  which i am hoping is NOT going to be celiac disease. 
   • it could be a precursor to diabetes. I had gestational diabetes and diabetes runs in my family.
   • stress — I have changed my life in a lot of ways, but I have added a great deal of stress due to these changes. Also the divorce isn’t going forward, STBX is stressing me about his debts (which is a stress for BOTH of us, because even though these debts were supposed to be wiped out with a mortgage refinance last July, he’s now used ALL the debts that “we” paid off and has decided that that money was his and I still owe him) and there are threats that he will declare bankruptcy and stop giving me child support.  Work is stressful right now because I am far behind, I have been so sick that I haven’t been able to give it my all like i should for 2 weeks, and I don’t have a lot of support in the office. I feel bad that a cohort from another office will need to come in and help me get out from behind the 8-ball and I worry that my job is at risk due to these issues.
   • Ulcer — it could very well be that I have gotten an ulcer somehow, somewhere.
6. Things that have been going on that I don’t really feel comfortable writing or talking about have made it difficult to communicate. Here I am with all these things to talk about, but I can’t really in case I say something that is “wrong” in regards to other people, and i get a lot more stress (via emails and texts) for speaking my mind on things.

I’m still around… just…

Well… not busy, but not really writey either. I have sat down to write a billion times, only to have other things interrupt me. And its been very irritating. This whole week has, despite asking for time to myself, been taken up by other people… and despite how NICE they have been, sometimes even 1 hour of time drains what little mental energy I have in a day — I had only made plans for Monday night and Thursday night, and yet my time was in demand Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday AND Thursday… and I didn’t even get as much housework done as I wanted to… Read the rest of this entry »