…intensely anxious due to a scheduled confrontation with someone

…upset about being “called out” in a situation where I have tried my best to be accommodating and adaptive and undemanding, but which I really should have been able to be a bit upset about the way things went.

…PAIN shooting from my knee to my shoulder

…a huge bruise darkening and spreading under the skin of my left hip.

…uncertainty about the future

…worry that plans I want to put into place will be shot down tomorrow

… Disappointment in the lack of direct communication

… sadness in being replaced so quickly, completely, and silently

…frustration with not being able to talk to you

…concern with not being able to…

I wanted to update on Friday, I really did… but it just wasn’t to be.

So here I will start again…

Things that just SUCKED ASS last week:

My Ex Husband

As per usual I got a lot of stress from my (now OFFICIALLY) Ex-Husband in the form of emails. While he doesn’t necessarily have the cahones to confront me in person, I often get email missives in which he basically threatens to financially destroy my life (or that his financial downfall, because of ME, will cause me financial destruction) if I don’t do what he wants me to do.

Currently he is freaking out about the child support that he owes for 2009 and what exactly constitutes “income”. The…

 With my divorce finalized, I have come to realize that the relationship with theEx has not only legally changed, but is ripe for a complete overhauling of the rules of engagement. While the rules have slowly been changing since I made the momentous step of walking out of our marital home and it has been difficult to create a sense of my complete independence from the role I played for so long.

The relationship with theEx was abusive. Verbally and emotionally theEx would use guilt and threats to subdue me and make me feel as small and unimportant as he could. Whenever I tried to create a boundary he would push through and stomp out my efforts. While most people…

I’m having a hard time writing lately. Things are feeling… hard… right now. I am distracted, trying to keep so many “balls in the air” in so many aspects of my life.

It’s hard to talk about things, even here, because I know that my words will be judged.  I appreciate people READING/Listening to my words, but there are some times when I do not necessarily need the FEEDBACK on my decisions, just the support that I am doing things the way I need to do them.

That being said… I have things that I want to get off my mind that don’t necessarily need the judgment of minds outside me (although support is okay, I don’t necessarily need “shoes”…

I’m sitting at work listening to the howl of the wind as my province falls into yet another late winter storm pounds the wall and window beside me. I can feel the draught from under the door and the cracks in the window. It’s freezing here (0C) and it’s hard to believe that just yesterday it was +18C (although with the ever present wind)… we’ve been promised or threatened with up to 20cm of snow… and from the chill and the sound of the wind it’s not unlikely either.

This week has been a total mish-mash of ups and downs and weirdness and unexpected twists and turns…

The bad Stuff

NO ME TIME.

Seriously, I felt like I was booked…