Frozen Nowhere

When I was a teenager I believed that the right man would be out there, waiting for me. I believed that he would be right for me, no matter what, and I would know who he was and it would be happily ever after.

In high school I dated Jace. We dated for 2 years. We were best friends and lovers. We fought like cats and dogs. We loved each other, but we both knew that in the end we were not “meant” for each other. I moved on and dated other people and married theEx, Jace moved on and dated other people and married. We drifted apart.

In my “senior” or grade 12 year and through the first few…

In January I wrote out the things I most wanted to change in my life in 2010, rather than writing out resolutions.  I focused on the 5 areas of my life that I felt I needed to change to start getting back to being more fully ME.

The fifth and final (but certainly not least) of these areas was the desire to reconnect to something larger than myself out THERE. I wanted to re-visit, explore, and reconnect my soul to the Divine… even though after 12 years I wasn’t entirely SURE what I “believed” anymore…

So in order to keep myself on track, I have decided that I am going to check in every season to see how…

In January I wrote out the things I most wanted to change in my life in 2010, rather than writing out resolutions.  I focused on the 5 areas of my life that I felt I needed to change to start getting back to being more fully ME.

The fourth of these areas, the area I had just had a major epiphany about, was wanting to be more aware of the patterns in my life and to live more CONSCIOUSLY. I wanted to go from not OWNING my decisions to making mindful and meaningful decisions for myself and my family.

So in order to keep myself on track, I have decided that I am going to check in every season…

I wanted to change my relationships for the better, how am I doing?

 In January I wrote out the things I most wanted to change in my life in 2010, rather than writing out resolutions.  I focused on the 5 areas of my life that I felt I needed to change to start getting back to being more fully ME.

The third of these areas, my relationships, was motivated by not only the realization that my love life was in toilet and I wanted to dump theNoodle, but also because my relationships with my self, my spirituality, my kids, and my friends was suffering (partly BECAUSE of my relationship with theNoodle), and I wanted to make a mindful change.…

I try to live my life in the open… mostly.

I try to be open to myself, open to the world, open to people.  I try not to hide who I am here.

But I still have been having a very difficult time getting to know other people in my real life.  In the past I have often felt very disconnected, cut off, unwanted, unloved, and unworthy. In short, I often felt LONELY.

Loneliness is not necessarily being ALONE

In the past I believed (wrongly) that my worth as a woman was determined by my ability to get a man. When I was with someone I gave up everything I was to try and be who that person…