Frozen Nowhere

In January I wrote out the things I most wanted to change in my life in 2010, rather than writing out resolutions.  I focused on the 5 areas of my life that I felt I needed to change to start getting back to being more fully ME.

The fifth and final (but certainly not least) of these areas was the desire to reconnect to something larger than myself out THERE. I wanted to re-visit, explore, and reconnect my soul to the Divine… even though after 12 years I wasn’t entirely SURE what I “believed” anymore…

So in order to keep myself on track, I have decided that I am going to check in every season to see how…

Now, I am well aware that I am aware that I need to make changes in my life. I am also aware that I have been both avoiding doing the things that I KNOW that I should do to make changes, and worrying about the impact of changing my routine…

If you know me personally you know that I have been going back and forth, mentally pacing about WANTING to change and having the ideas of how I can start to change, and then FREAKING OUT because in order to make the changes I would have to commit to DOING something…

So I go from the THOUGHT (east) of what I want to change, I build in the DESIRE

…

One thing that I have, in the recent past, been accused (or, rather, verbally assaulted) about is the fact that I haven’t been practicing my spirituality.
 
Or, rather, that I am not doing what OTHER people think that I need to do.
 
Which, although they may be correct in stating that I haven’t been picking up on a spiritual practice yet, makes me wonder…
 
What the hell does it matter to ANYONE else how I feed my soul?
 
And I have come to the natural and perfectly acceptable conclusion:   

MY SPIRITUALITY IS NONE OF ANYONE ELSE’S BUSINESS UNTIL OR UNLESS I MAKE IT THEIR BUSINESS.
 
Phew. Glad I got that off my chest.
 
I have always…

Beyond the sickening fear that my ex is going to fuck my life over even further, I have been having an okay time.
 
One of the things that has been going on is that I have been cutting K out of my life. About 3 weeks ago I “slipped” and allowed him to convince me that he had changed and that he was ready to be my friend rather than to sit around whining all the time about how much he loved me, or, alternatively, how much I had screwed up his life (or rather how he had screwed up his life FOR me). But it was just another round of “feel sorry for me for missing you”

…

One issue I have with keeping up with a blog is that there are just things that I can’t write here. So… in order to get things out that I can’t write in a public forum (never mind that no one knows its here) I write on other journal/blog sites.