Frozen Nowhere

If you knew me in “real life” you might find it weird that I keep a blog… or not…
 
I have a strained relationship with words and writing. Its almost as my ability for hands-on creativity has a restraining order against me, I must stay at least 100 cm away from anything remotely creative and only admire from a distance.
 
Yet I have a blog, and I occasionally write here. I have also kept an online “diary” relatively successfully for about 10 years on Open Diary. Not as a daily practice, but at least a few posts a month… So there is proof that I *CAN* write…
 
Just not the way I want to… not the

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Exactly the situation that I find myself in, right now, asking “where am I? where am I going? where does that leave me now?”…
 
I have decided that for the time being I am going to sit back and just take the time to think about what I want and where I am heading on my Path. I have to do this, because the past few years have really led me to reconsider the words I use in relation to myself, and the way I view myself.
 
Because of the climate that I have discovered in the “new” Pagan community that I resurfaced into, I no longer feel that I am allowed to claim the title “Wiccan”

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For the first few months after I realized that there were other people who felt the “prescence” in the forests and trees, communed with the natural world, and seriously felt a spiritual connection to nature… I started reading. Voraciously (or more voraciously than I had previously).
 
But I read a lot, and I explored a lot, and I took a lot of time out to think and feel and experience what it was that I was needing from my spirituality and what I was getting from this new realization that there was a path out there where I could find what I needed FOR MYSELF without needing to beg others for information of the deeper mysteries, where my

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Because I had been raised Christian it was very hard to view relgion as anything BUT Christianity. I didn’t have the exposure to other forms of spirituality or relgion, and everything that didn’t fit into the small box that was labelled “Christian Faith” was assumed to be evil, wrong, misguided, tempation, or demonic. 

Which made for a very hard decision on my part, especially as a 16 year old girl…
 
What is a child to do, when they have only ever been exposed to the idea that religion=christianity and no religion=satanism? Well… if they are like me, they start to do some RESEARCH into what religion IS and what different views of religion are out there.
 

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Okay, I know, I have been talking a lot about the men in my life lately. Please forgive a silly girl who has been trying to get back on track after being slightly derailed… I think I am quite well now kthanx!
 
Now that I have almost completed my divorce, have disentangled from the Stalker issue, and have revealed myself to be a mooshy romantic loon for my new love, I think that I need to move on to something that won’t make everyone wonder what the hell I did with my mind (other than, obviously, becoming a raving loon for a few months) and more importantly, answer a question that has been plagueing me for years now…

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