Frozen Nowhere

I am feeling better now.
 
I don’t know why I can’t panic silently… I really should just hide in my closet until my freak out is completed and THEN talk to other human beings. 
 
I guess I seek out comfort from other people by being told I am acting crazy. 
 
Sometimes I need that little, “hey, girl you are losing it! Get a grip.” thing from a friend or two.
 
I am over the panic over the future for now. I have decided to accept:

• TheEx is an ass. He has a spending habit and that will likely never change. I could have gotten out earlier, I could have tried to stick it out for longer, but either way his spending

…

If I had been clear-headed, and not completely PANICKED about going to the meeting the next day I would have seen what he was trying to do with this series of things that he was doing to me… 
 
Which would simply be this: He was mad and frustrated that I no longer wanted to take his bullshit, that I was considering the comment and the made up “nasty” text messages about me, as childish and unacceptable ways to try and force me to call or talk to him and that I had blocked EVERY OTHER avenue to him having his say YET AGAIN and so he was going to out and out THREATEN me with the one thing he KNEW he could use to cause me to freak

…

And it is DONE…
 
In so many ways things are done around here, and I am glad. 
 
There is so much RELIEF to having things settled and worked out. There is a certain SATISFACTION to having an idea of what will happen in the future, even though it isn’t SET in stone (as the future never is) and there is still some uncertainty and grinding concerns… but there is a plan of action…
 
A settlement.
 
I spent the ENTIRE day in a large-ish board room, trapped with STBX, my lawyer and HIS lawyer, discussing the 4 parts of our settlement. I thought we’d go in, he’d balk right away, and we’d be out of there (and I’d be back at work) by 1pm.

…

Here we go again.
 
This weekend was wonderful. I like that now I can write and write and write over the course of the week and not worry too much about taking a pause on the weekends. I can’t believe that I didn’t realize I could schedule my posts… this is a “well, duh” moment, here.
 
Of course, up until this week I didn’t realize that I could do that… I mean conceptually I did know… I just never realized that I could do it on MY blog as well. And, a few months ago I didn’t NEED to know this stuff because, well… I didn’t WRITE a few months ago.
 
And now I have my

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So… what the heck am I up to, lately, other than trying to date the unavailable and to control the urge to throttle my soon to be ex husband (oh YES, I will get the divorce completed!! One way or another I will get this thing done)? In NO particular order:
 

• Attempting to get my house clean… which is an ongoing issue for me because the house, no matter how much I beat the dust bunnies out of the corners and scare them out from under the beds, seem to be breeding at an exceedingly furocious pace — even for dust bunnies. There is a tsunami of laundry waiting me at home, and the odd thing is

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