I wanted to update on Friday, I really did… but it just wasn’t to be.

So here I will start again…

Things that just SUCKED ASS last week:

My Ex Husband

As per usual I got a lot of stress from my (now OFFICIALLY) Ex-Husband in the form of emails. While he doesn’t necessarily have the cahones to confront me in person, I often get email missives in which he basically threatens to financially destroy my life (or that his financial downfall, because of ME, will cause me financial destruction) if I don’t do what he wants me to do.

Currently he is freaking out about the child support that he owes for 2009 and what exactly constitutes “income”. The…

In January I wrote out the things I most wanted to change in my life in 2010, rather than writing out resolutions.  I focused on the 5 areas of my life that I felt I needed to change to start getting back to being more fully ME.

The fifth and final (but certainly not least) of these areas was the desire to reconnect to something larger than myself out THERE. I wanted to re-visit, explore, and reconnect my soul to the Divine… even though after 12 years I wasn’t entirely SURE what I “believed” anymore…

So in order to keep myself on track, I have decided that I am going to check in every season to see how…

In January I wrote out the things I most wanted to change in my life in 2010, rather than writing out resolutions.  I focused on the 5 areas of my life that I felt I needed to change to start getting back to being more fully ME.

The fourth of these areas, the area I had just had a major epiphany about, was wanting to be more aware of the patterns in my life and to live more CONSCIOUSLY. I wanted to go from not OWNING my decisions to making mindful and meaningful decisions for myself and my family.

So in order to keep myself on track, I have decided that I am going to check in every season…

Some days are hard

 Last week, knowing my current relationship was in the toilet, realizing that I would have to have “the talk” I found my stomach in knots and my self esteem tanking. I was avoiding his calls, I was not at all interested in talking to him online or in person, and I was finding myself RELIEVED that he had found something better to do than waste my time by deciding that he and his daughters would come and stay with me.  I was soundly in denial about how BADLY this relationship went and why I allowed it to continue on for SO freaking LONG…

Last week, I was feeling alone and unwanted… and more than a…

I haven’t been writing lately…
 
I know this, you (the imaginary people who exist out there in the interwebs) this… my friends know this…
 
And yet there are times I feel helpless to change this situation.
 
Right now every time I sit down to write I end up ranting over the boring crap in my life:

• theEx and the legal, financial, and parental changes he wants to impose on my life on a continuous basis
• feeling distressingly STUCK in my life and not knowing what I want to change, much less HOW to change it…
• feeling LONELY, and not knowing how to change THAT without the drastic measure of starting to date

…